Undomestic Diva

"There's a girl in my class and he walks different."

"There's a girl in my class and he walks different."

"She."

"What?"

"A girl is a 'she' and a boy is a 'he.'"

"Well he walks different - the girl does."

:::

I noticed her too, in her brown leather mary janes, carefully folded lace-trimmed white socks, matching corduroy skirt and pink top with a princessy character I'm unfamiliar with in my world of boys. She hobbled around the classroom while the other Kindergarteners walked and ran with ease. She stole glances at her mother during orientation while the rest of the kids' eyes were transfixed on their new teacher. She was different than the other boys and girls and she already knew it.

:::

"That's OK if she walks differently than you do."

"Well it's kinda weird the way he does it."

"She. And so?"

"I'm just saying..."

"There's no reason to say it. If she heard you talking about the way she walks and how it's different than the way you do it, that could hurt her feelings. That wouldn't make school very fun for her, would it? Would you want to come to school if kids were talking about you? Saying that you were weird or different?"

"No."

"Really, that little girl is lucky. Aunt Brenda is in a wheelchair because she can't walk. This little girl might walk a little differently than you do, but at least she can still walk. That's lucky."

"OK, but he seemed really stressed during Play-doh time."

"Well maybe she needs a friend. You can be her friend. You can make her feel comfortable. That would be the kind thing to do. And most of all, stick up for her. If you ever hear or see other kids being mean to her you let the teacher know because that is not nice."

"Alright."

:::

It's hard to explain to kids the differences they innocently observe when they enter classrooms and schools. You can't teach them friendship, but you can teach them kindness. You can't make them get along with everybody, but you can expect them to be respectful to everyone. 

As hard as it is to try and make a five year old understand the differences in people, it's so much harder to watch that the little girl in her brown leather mary janes - at the age of five - not only know she is not like the others but already have this sad, tangible self-consciousness about her.

So now that the kids are back in school...

It's funny how, as a parent, you get a little weepy as you send your little ones off to school on their first day, reminiscing about how they were just this small and now they're oh my god THIS BIG and, um, when did that happen? But once you're over the hysterics of the morning schedule, the new shoes that need double-knotting and the light-up backpacks that need packing you breathe in this air of motivation like you're suddenly ready. to. conquer. the. world.

That home office you've been meaning to clean? You are going to organize and alphabetize and something else-ize that bitch TO-DAY!

Sure, you do dishes every day but this week? You're going to dare to look above the hood range and inside the microwave and even beneath the trash can!

All that laundry that can never possibly be done and folded and put away? HA! That pile is yours for the conquering.

The book you've been meaning to finish er, start? Two thousand words a day, easy.

A much need lunch out with some girlfriends you haven't seen in forever? You are going to schedule it.

But as you wave your last good-bye at your son who walks into his new classroom that smells of freshly sharpened pencils and crayons and someone's over-ripe banana, you walk back to your car, drive on auto-pilot home, open the door without remembering having unlocked it, eye the dirty laundry in the hamper while innocently happening to catch a glimpse of your bed, beckoning you to rest your tired self for just a minute or two and... eh. All those To Do things? They'll be there tomorrow.

Heart tug-o-war

My heart is at tug-o-war, aching for the days when they were just bundles of drool and fuzzy hair and yet swelling with pride over what amazing little dudes they have become.

But time? is such an asshole. Suddenly I've got a preschooler, a Kindergartener and even a second grader.

Love you dudes.

Big man on the little campus

Just minutes before you awoke for your big day, I stole a glance or two - perhaps a snapshot or twelve - of you, still asleep and cozy and seemingly small. I resisted the urge to climb in your firetruck bed with you, to wake you and stare at you and ask you what happened to the baby version of you.

Instead, you sprung from your bed EXCITED! OVERJOYED! SUPER IMPORTANT! knowing today is your day to be big man on little kid campus where you will rule the pretend bus and miniature picnic tables and woodchip-filled playgrounds of preschool.

Like every other special occasion you raced to the front door to see if Grandma had left you donuts and balloons. Of course she never lets you down and there they were, a dozen donuts and a bouquet of balloons bigger than you commemorating your First Day.

As I made your lunch and packed your Super Heroes backpack I listened to you dress and talk to yourself, repeating over and over, "Lookin' goooood." Your confidence both scares me and makes me proud and it's no wonder the kids gravitate toward you on the playground.

You let me take your picture, even telling me how to do it "right" and I both laugh and cry a little because you're so stinkin' funny but... I'm lost on where the time went. Here you are, blond-ish and brown-eyed when you were born - just born? - with jet black hair and crisp blue eyes. You're no longer a baby.

You're a endearing mix of stubborn and kind, raucous and lovable, with a sense of entitlement that will someday have you ruling the world. You already rule ours.

As you step out into the big bad world of playground politics today, part of me wants to be there to protect you but mostly? I know you can handle anything that comes your way.

Whatever you do, T, today, tomorrow, years from now... make your mark. Be heard. Be loud. Be strong. Be you.

I lingered on the playground until the bell rang this morning, wanting to be there to watch you go in; to say good-bye and offer a "you can do it" hug.

But instead? You marched right into line, gave me a sideways glance to let me know that a hug from me would totally cramp your style, and then, only after seeing that I could really use a little "you can do it" love, hesitantly offered up a fist bump.

Love you Big T.
_____________________________

Interview with Big T on his 1st Day of School

Big T's 1st Day of Pre-K from Undomestic Diva on Vimeo.

4 years.

Four years ago today, this photo was just a snapshot at the zoo. Today, it's a reminder of the day my life went from typical, ordinary, non-descript to a fog, a depression, a fight and finally a slow but steady victory and revival. 

On good days - most days - I can put this photo out of sight and carry on in this moment, not worrying about the next. But on the bad days, in moments of weakness, I look at this picture and ache for that moment right there... just hours before my life would go from blissful ignorance to a constant mental struggle. Never has ordinary seemed so extraordinary.

Of course this photograph isn't my only reminder. It's everywhere.

It's eyesight level every morning when I make a pot of coffee.

It's at night when I take my medication.

It's when I read the news.

When I hear a joke.

When I feel an electric pain in my head.

When I tuck my kids in bed at night and kiss them, long after they've fallen asleep, reminding them how much I love them even though they can't hear me.

It's every holiday.

It's every "Mommy, I love you to the moon and back."

And yet I know I am the luckiest mom in the world.

Because as much as I have hated these four years; what they've taken from me, what I've given to them and what I've wasted over them, I am thankful for them: I am learning to live and love all over again. Bigger, better, harder, more sincerely. 

The Twitter Movie

OK so in my weird internety world I found this hysterically funny... Maybe you will too. If not, me neither.

Rub-a-dub-dub... The Shower Survey

As I was carefully poking my soaking wet hand out the shower door to delicately select a Sun Chip without dripping water on it so I could eat it while washing my hair, it suddenly occurred to me that perhaps my showering habits are not normal.

Does everyone eat while showering? Probably not. BUT WAIT! If they do, then how do they choose a chip and get it to their mouth without either a) making it a soggy mess in the process or b) getting chip residue on their fingertips?

That's when, my friends, the dusty light bulb in my head went on and I realized I could poll the internet (that's what he said)! I spent the rest of my shower dreaming up this soapy survey to find out just how the rest of the world bathes... upright. 

Take the survey by numbering your answers (1, 2, 3... etc.) in the comments section and putting your best, quick answer beside each number. I will lather up the results later in the week so you can see how you compare when you wash your derrière.

1. What time of day are you most likely to shower?

2. Do you eat in the shower?

3. What kind of soap or body wash do you use?

4. Do you wash your hair every day?

5. Do you multitask in the shower (eating, brushing teeth, Other Things)? If so, what?

6. Have you ever been injured in the shower? Can you explain?

7. Answer one: The shower is a) where you bathe, b) another place to clean,  or c) a great hiding place

8. Do you prefer a bath or a shower?

9. Do you sing in the shower?

10. Do you write blog posts in your head in the shower?

11. If you write a blog post in your head in the shower but never publish it on the internet, does it count as an entry?

12. Do you pee in the shower?

13. Answer one: Your shower head is a) not detachable, damn it, b) your best friend, or c) a water-saver, low-pressure device. Go. Environment. Yay.

14. Do you ever clean the shower while you're showering?

15. Do you sometimes share the shower with someone else to, you know, save water?

16. If you finally confront someone who has been pissing you off via a conversation in your head while in the shower and no one is around to hear it, who wins the argument? 

17. Answer one: If I came over to your house right now and looked at your shower you would a) try and stop me - you didn't have time to clean it!, b) hand me some Comet and a sponge and say "While you're in there..." or c) tell me all about the renovation.

18. Answer one: In your shower you have a) more beauty/soap products than tiles, b) a few too many disposable razors you haven't yet disposed of, or c) a Daddy Long Legs that, so far, has stuck to the silent agreement to stay up in his corner way up there but so help him if he crawls down even an inch...

19. Fill in the blank: After a shower I feel ___________ .

20. Answer one: A successful shower means a) feeling rejuvenated, b) not being interrupted by someone(s), or c) having remembered to shave *both* legs.

21. Answer one: You're the kind of showerer who a) does it military style - water on, water off, in & out in under 10 minutes flat SIR YES SIR, b) stays in until the water goes from scalding hot to warm to cool to friggin' frigid and you have no choice but to evacuate HELLO NIPPLES THAT CUT GLASS, or c) gets in, handles her/his bidness and gets out.

22. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 = TOTAL SUCKAGE and 10 = BADASS, how much (or little) do you enjoy this Rub-a-dub-dub Shower survey?

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Be sure to tweet/share this link: http://tinyurl.com/2ellqzx to pass along this survey. The more input, the better.

The boys and the beach

Proof you don't need a fancy camera or thousands of dollars in equipment to take some very cool photographs. All of these images were captured with a point-and-shoot. (The only editing was to turn them from amazing color photos into harsh black-and-whites.)

More beach photos and the story behind The Dudes' lucky Summer of sand, waves and seashells to come..

While you were out...

While you were out... Oh wait. You weren't gone. I was. Actually, I wasn't gone... I was just... slacking? Lagging? Slagging? Yep, that's it. I was slagging on my blogging duties because one day I was like NYC BITCHES! and the next day I was all SOCCER MOTHERFUCKERS! and such is the life of a mommyblogger.

What? Did I just say the "m" word. I think I did.

So while I was slagging all up in this space, surprisingly, life continued to happen. I KNOW. But not to worry, I thought I'd fill you in on the exciting stuff.

(I hope you have emptied your bladder.)

- My new Mac bit me. It's very hard to explain, but I was walking and shutting it down at the same time (AND chewing gum), delicately balancing it on my right arm. When the screen went from Shutdown Blue to It's Off Black, I closed it with my left hand and somehow pinched my inner? elbow? upon shutting it. It was a very malicious attack, really, and I think Steve Jobs will be forking over a cool billion or two so Travie McCoy and I have something to sing about soon.

- I survived the first set of soccer practices I *supposedly* coached. Whose son decides to tackle his own teammate not two seconds into a scrimage and yell "TAKEDOWN!" That would be mine. I am bringing duct tape to the next practice. I told you little turkeys not to use your hands! Best. Coach. Ever.

- I managed to sunburn only half of my face. Not the top. Not the bottom. Not that weird raccoon-eyes-thing people do with sunglasses. No, like just the left half. Pro: I'm saving money on blush for that half of my face. Con: Ow, motherfather.

- I've decided to give up heeding advice via quotes from the Dalai Lama or from wise proverbs and whatnot. The Mike's Hard Lemonade has the best rules to live by I've ever heard.

"Cross your bridges before you burn them."

"When you lose your sense of direction, find your sense of humor."

"Your hard work is much appreciated. Just not often."

- I got in a barking contest with the bulldog and I won. SUCKER! I'd feel like this was more of an accomplishment if this weren't the same dog who thought he was being attacked by an empty milk container the other day.

Like I said, it's been super tape-your-junk-to-your-leg-exciting 'round these parts lately.

BlogHer and The City

Don't worry. This isn't a lengthy recap of the BlogHer '10 conference. If you were there, you know how amazing it was. If you didn't go, you're sick of hearing about how amazing it was. I shall spare you the words.

Instead, here's what happens when bloggers tell Jay-Z to step aside and invade NYC via photos.

Blogher and The City from Undomestic Diva on Vimeo.

Recommended: Click link to watch larger version of video.

To see all my NYC/BlogHer '10 photos, click here.

*Only chicken wings and crab legs were harmed in the making of this video.