American Idol, I quit you

Well, I'm still having computer issues which, you know, is almost as bad as having Starbucks close for three hours, but I'm surviving. Barely.

So I still can't show you my photos from the Bossy meet-up or of my kids dancing like... well... I don't know if there's really a way to describe their dances moves when set to Kanye West. Interpretive? Perhaps. Instead, I'll just have to tell you why I'm quitting American Idol.

You see, I hate to admit I even watch the show because I can't help but feel like maybe, as a mom, as an old soul, I should be enjoying some home and gardening show or learning how to make cupcakes (cup who?) with Martha, but really, honestly, I think I'm missing the genetic marker that makes a gal want to buy kitchen appliances, let alone use them. Instead, I'd rather catch back-to-back episodes of Ultimate Fighter or some forensic crime show on Court/Tru TV. Or, [blush] maybe - accidentally - American Idol.

Oh eff it. I like it. I can't help it. That was, until last night...

I don't ever watch the results show for two reasons: 1. My attention span is not long enough to endure fourteen commercial breaks and then sit through suspenseful lighting and "the music." And 2. The freaking online news, especially Yahoo, always ruins it for me. Like last night. Here in California, we were still 2 or 3 hours from the "results show." But when I signed-on to my email at 6 pm there was the headline: "American Idol said 'g-day' to Michael Johns."

You had to have heard my audible gasp from wherever you are because I was shocked. BAFFLED. It's one of those horrific moments in history; a time you'll look back on twenty years from now and remember where you were when you heard it and what you were wearing and...

Oh don't roll your eyes. 

Now listen people, I had to rearrange, shuffle and make some unfortunate, heart-wrenching cuts on my hump island to fit Michael Johns on there and now American Idol sends him walking. BASTARDS. Nothing pisses me off more than having to re-do my hump island org chart.

This happens every year to me. I watch regularly, pick my favorite hump island candidate singer and they never win. So I have to stop watching. Some may call me a sore loser or a hypocrite being that I don't actually vote or watch before or after my favorite, but I just say YOU'RE WRONG, HE SHOULD HAVE ONE and I don't care about all that bullshit about being the best singer or what-have-you.

The best example of this is that oh-so-sweet/innocent/raspy Somebody Archuletta (?). Sure. He can sing. But he's... how do I say this gently? ANNOYING. And I know that when I'm listening to the radio, I don't want to hear someone who's cute in a little boy, let-me-squish-yer-cheekies-a-wittle-bit kind of way. Sorry, but I had to say it. 

This travesty also happened last year? year before? when Chris Daughtry was sent home. I mean, sure. I knew he'd probably actually be more successful not being the so-called "American Idol," but it didn't make it any easier on my ole ticker. I think my heart actually skipped a beat. Or an 8-count.

But whatever. I just can't handle the emotional ups and downs this show is putting me through. I've got enough stress. So, American Idol, I quit you.

Comments

[Kristin]

I tried to watch it once when it first started in, like, the Stone Age, and the try-out footage of all those off-key and embarrassing people made me squirm. Plus, I can't stay up that late. I live in the east, which means it's on at 8, I think. But I still can't do it. God, I'm pathetic.

[Coffee Bean]

I admit I watch it too. It's kind of a family thing because the kids love it. We were all very shocked. We DVR everything because we hate all the commercials and we usually watch as soon as the show is over.

We have never voted. Almost makes me want to start. Almost.

My kids make fun of me because I can't stand David Archuletta. He really can sing but all his lizardly lip licking makes me want to jump through the screen and choke him. I can't even watch him anymore. I have to close my eyes and wish for it to be over quickly.

I started a new blog a couple of weeks ago. Just couldn't not have one. It is, quite obviously, an illness.

From Kelly in Colorado, now Coffee Bean (lame, I know, you should check out the rest of my family's names)

[Coffee Bean]

Oh yeah... I should've mentioned, I think you'd like my post where I tell about two entries into a contest this week that are about two different weddings I was in and another one about why parenting books suck. Yeah, I, the good Christian woman put the word suck on my blog. Oh, and the one about bicycles.

[Sara]

I admit it, I watch the Idol all the time. Except I DVRed it, and then accidentally read the results online. What the what? America never gets it right, man.

[Suzanne]

"Hump Island"???? What is that--the island where you want to live as the only woman, surrounded by only humpable dudes??? I've never heard the term. But it's hilarious. Yeah, American Idol can be like a car-wreck--horrifying, but you can't look away! At least Chris Daughtry's fate shows that you can still do extremely well without being #1. And look what happens to the people who actually make it to #1. The flaw in the show is that people can win by virtue of repeated voting by the same people. So it's not even an accurate voting system. Does my analysis of this reveal how much I need to get a life? :^)

[Tamara in GA]

You should be AA's wife & not me. I can't stand that AI crap. We need to discuss any changes to your Island that I am unaware of. Keep a sista' up to date!

[TwentyFourAtHeart]

Hump Island?! OMG, please tell me that is what I think it is? And what is your mental rule on the number of men allowed on Hump Island? And why limit yourself? But wait, you've distracted me and the reason I am commenting is so that you feel ... less pathetic. Because last night at Parker's baseball game (which forced our entire team to miss AI) all the 40-50 year old moms started verbally fighting over who has the most lust for Michael Johns. And that was BEFORE they knew he was kicked off. And I did NOT participate in that discussion because they are all ridiculous and besides I alredy knew that I WIN the lust contest! In addition, I just want to say that Kristy Lee Cook should have been gone weeks ago - that girl gets on my very last nerve. AND I agree 100% about Archuletta ... he drives me crazy - and not in a good way. So there you go ... I watch it too and I'm not even embarrassed about it!

[Shelley Moore]

I am absolutely BESIDE MYSELF TOO!!!! Michael Johns was my favorite, as was Chris Daughtry, and I'm just sickened! grrrrr - I'm so OVER trying to pick someone i like!

[jason]

Thanks a lot, Megan. I had heard that somebody big got axed and I was purposely waiting to watch it on my DVR when I get a minute. Now you've gone and ruined it for me. (Kidding. Sort of.)

I like the idea of Hump Island, too!

I feel the same way about David Archuleta.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

It is not possible to watch American Idol without TIVO--may too much annoying stuff between the stuff you actually want to see.

I mourned the loss of Constantine(whatever that season was).

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

It is not possible to watch American Idol without TIVO--may too much annoying stuff between the stuff you actually want to see.

I mourned the loss of Constantine(whatever that season was).

[submommy]

Sing it, Sister. David A. is too cutesy and I can't, in good conscious, vote for him because he could actually BE my kid. That freaks me out too much. I Am That Old.

Now I turn my attention to David Cook, although can't put him on Hump Island (love that term, btw.)

[e.beck]

oh my god ... i'd leave a long admiring comment, but i have to go quickly and make my own hump island list ....

[Lori]

Hate American Idol. Always have, always will.

Totally unrelated info. Did you know there's an I hate starbucks website? Yes, a website dedicated to people that hate starbucks. I couldn't believe it. How can you hate starbucks?

[Kimberly]

I totally hear ya! I was baffled! Isn't it about time for a rocker to win AI?

I love the idea of hump island. Food for thought, huh?

Great meeting you the other night.

[morninglightmama]

Okay, so I admit that this might be just a tad bit silly, but your blog has become one of my new funny favorites, and I've got a little something for you over on my blog. Care to accept?