His, Mine and Ours

Candy Ass and I, we're not speaking. It's World War III around here as we're about two seconds from strangling each other over the classic His, Mine & Ours argument. To which, apparently, there is no end.

I won't go into too much detail, it would complicate the divorce even further. But basically, HE makes all the money and I don't work so I have no money. HE has "nothing to show for HIS money" and everything that costs more than HE likes in OUR house is somehow MINE. As in, MY fault. The house? MINE. The dishwasher? MINE. The crappy portable air conditioner we thought might cool our house at least a little (but didn't)? MINE.

It's crazy insane, but I thought we bought this house together, putting both our names on the title. I could swear WE picked out and bought the kitchen appliances together. Unless I'm mistaken, WE also decided on the portable air conditioner together. But these things? They're all MINE, bought with HIS money. I'm just a regular gold digger. That's ME.

And while I'm at it, I'll be the first to admit that all this time, I've been mistaken by thinking that since WE got married, everything - the house, the appliances, hell even the money - it was all OURS, not his or mine. I know. WHAT AN IDIOT I AM.

The frustrating part, is that I want to work, I want to make money, I don't like staying at home. But HE doesn't want me to work, saying a mom should stay-at-home at home with her kids, "otherwise, why have them?"

[I won't even go there right now. I can't fight two different battle fronts at the same time.]

Anyone else hearing that "Love is a Battlefield" song?

I'm not sure exactly what to do next; how we'll resolve this little issue. But I'm thinking it just might involve having to turn tricks to earn my own keep. A girl's gotta do... what a girl's gotta do, right?

Comments

[She who]

We had the same battle for years until I determined that what is his is mine, ours is mine, and mine is mine.

He learned to deal and that, is how I became She Who.

[philly]

Everything is mine !!

[Christi]

Awww, you don't have to turn tricks... internet porn is WAY more lucrative and you wouldn't have to leave the house.

[Sara]

I think you mean a girl's gotta do WHO a girl's gotta do.

[suzanne]

We have a variation of this at our house...any extra money we get (like tax refunds), we split, and he immediately spends his share on man toys. And I blow mine on such fun things as, say, paying off credit card balances and getting my car fixed.

[Tamara in GA]

Men suck.

[evil chef mom]

this is how i solved that stupid arguement... i handed my hubby all the bills, the debit card, the credit cards, the checkbook, and the grocery list...i also told the kids you need anything, field trip money, ect. go talk to your dad. if i needed gas money, i asked him for it. i needed diapers for the kids, i asked him... after about a week of asking he shut the f*ck up about his goddamn money...

sorry, i'm still mad about that little time in our life and that arguement was over 5 years ago.

[Backpacking Dad]

1. Sometimes guys think of themselves as spectators to purchases. "Let's get X," she says; "Yeah, alright," he replies. To her, that was a joint decision; she offered an opportunity for input and conversation, he abdicated and just agreed to the purchase. To him, that was HER decision, and he went along with it to keep the peace. Later, when other things are bubbling up, that one gets transformed into HER decision full-blown, and then gets to be a target of remorse: pissed off that he didn't say anything at the beginning, he says it all at the worst possible time.

2. Angry sex.

3. Don't try to win the "I'm not going to talk until he talks" game. I finally won that one back in January, but it took 3 weeks and in retrospect it wasn't worth it. Win the "I realized that I said something dumb" game, and maybe he'll play that one along with you and you'll both stop playing games at all. For now :}

Because there's always another....

[Sprite's Keeper]

Did you try crying? That usually makes my husband stop arguing his point and I can sneak in my kill shot..

[Kristin]

My husband is fond of clutching his heart and moaning about how we can't get ahead when I mention buying ANYthing--like new socks. It makes me want to kick him in the head.

[SherE1]

That SUCKS! I'm with Evil Chef Mom - I'd go on a Wifey strike so he can learn to appreciate you and realize that you work just as dang hard (if not HARDER) than he does! See how he likes it if everything really WAS just HIS!

[Rizzle]

Starbucks might be hiring.

[Ashley]

I am a "newlywed" and because most of the furniture in our house was mine before my husband and I got married, he claims NOTHING is his, he has NOTHING, everything is MINE. I don't understand. He didn't have any furniture, he lived in a dorm during law school. His parents throw EVERYTHING out. We'd have no furniture if it wasn't for "my" furniture. I thought mine became ours, but apparently not. BLAHHHHH.

[Gaining Some LB's]

Show him a Big azz vibrator and tell him......HEY...This is MINE!!! And since I don't work...YOU bought it for me!!!!

Then lock yourself in the bedroom and take lots of batteries!!!!

Good luck!
Peace
#2

[TwentyFourAtHeart]

Sigh ... you need to remind Candy Ass that you live in Southern California and he will NEVER have anything to show for his money. It doesn't matter how much he makes or whether or not you do. We live in a friggin' country club and we pay out the nose for it. He could consider relocating to Montana ... I hear it's beautiful!

[Lennie Locken]

Invoice him. For everything. When you hire a cleaning service, they get paid. Right? When you go to a restaurant, you pay for your meal. Right? Daycare costs bucks. Um ..... hookers get paid too. So bill him for everything you do. He might get the message.

[Aleasha Zumbar]

God, If I had a dollar for everytime I've had to deal with this particular argument over the 22 years I've been married, I would'nt have to have this argument anymore. I'd be freakin rich, because I would have saved, and invested those dollars. I would not have drug every boat I ever laid eyes on home, so that now I own four! How about all the fishing gear? I did the math once. Each "free salmon, halibut, etc.." cost an average of $59.00 an ounce. Please don't get me started on the man toys, $1500.00 custom golf clubs? You golf? Well, you smell what I'm cooking. Now I just look at him and ask "any fishing trips coming up dear"? That usually shuts him up.

[Aleasha Zumbar]

God, If I had a dollar for everytime I've had to deal with this particular argument over the 22 years I've been married, I would'nt have to have this argument anymore. I'd be freakin rich, because I would have saved, and invested those dollars. I would not have drug every boat I ever laid eyes on home, so that now I own four! How about all the fishing gear? I did the math once. Each "free salmon, halibut, etc.." cost an average of $59.00 an ounce. Please don't get me started on the man toys, $1500.00 custom golf clubs? You golf? Well, you smell what I'm cooking. Now I just look at him and ask "any fishing trips coming up dear"? That usually shuts him up.

[Lorna]

It'll be much easier to divide everything up in the divorce, though, since he's already said the house, the appliances and the air conditioner are all YOURS. :)

[Shelley Moore]

Ug - I hated having those arguments with my hubby,... it pissed me off to NO END! But I did what some of the others did - said FINE you want it you got it... and then he quickly got sick of the "your kids need milk, your kids need bread, i need gas to take YOUR kids to school"...

If all else fails, Megan, just kick Candy Ass's ASS!!! It might not solve anything, but it'll make ya feel better, LOL!

[LaPetiteBelle]

you and your ex sound like me and my husband.. LOL he doesn't want me to work either, and he says everything is his. and yep, still married . Love the "YOUR" kids line too. Makes me SO mad!!