Sick and Bitchy

I don't get sick often, but holy crap, whatever I've got, it is KICKING MY ASS. It's like strep throat morphed into a head cold morphed into the goddamn flu. I'm z-packin' it like nobody's business but still... ugh.

You don't want to hear about the razor blades ripping my throat, the throbbing migraines and the unrelenting cough. It would probably only disturb you to hear me liken standing in the scolding hot shower last night to swimming in the most perfectly percolated cup of coffee. It was heaven.

Instead, I'm just gonna rant about being sick - and not being allowed to be sick - 'cause frankly, I'm sick as hell and feelin' a little bitchy. So bite me.

What I don't get is that when Candy Ass is sick, he's calls in to work, says he won't be there, and presto! he's sleepin' in. When I'm sick, it's a kiss on the forehead, an obligatory "Feel better" and he's out the door and guess what... I'm still here, still taking care of three kids, still expected to make breakfast, lunch and dinner, clean-up after it all and basically, DO NOTHING DIFFERENTLY than any other day.

When does a mama get a sick day? 'Cause I'd say I'm well overdue.

I love how just before Mother's Day each year, various news agencies post stories on what a stay-at-home mom is worth - if she were to be paid for her daily duties. [Insert major eye roll here.] I think this year the annual salary equated to something around $120,000. I bawk at that.

BAWK!

Not because I think we're worth more than that (which we soooo are), not because our work weeks are like 112 hours instead of 40 (which is a low estimate, I'd say) and not because they left out mileage and petty cash allowances (they totally forgot those). But because if you were to offer this job to most men - staying at home with three boys 5 and under - it wouldn't matter how much goddamn money you offered them, THEY WOULD NEVER EVER DO IT. Why? Because it's too much goddamn work and how does one even begin to compensate a person for that??

EXACTLY. That's our point, husbands.

So we don't get paid. Don't even give me that bullshit about how the rewards are better than any monetary compensation. I WANT MY CAKE AND ICE CREAM TOO, damn it! Nobody wants to look at buttholes for a living, but hey, with the right amount of money and the title of doctor, sign me up.

OK. Bad example. But you know what I mean. It ain't all roses and sunshine.

The big joke around my house - between Candy Ass and my stepdad Wild Bill - is "What did you do today? Oprah and Bon-Bons?" Yes. Exactly. HOW DID YOU KNOW? It's not worth me explaining that I don't watch the oh-so-righteous Oprah and that I didn't even know they still made Bon-Bons. (Really?? Where??)

I know they're joking. But only sort of. I don't think people, in general, who don't stay at home have a freakin' clue what it's like. Just like I have no idea what it's like to work while sending kids to daycare. I get it. It's one of those "the grass is always greener..." situations. Those who work long to stay at home and those stay at home, long to GET THE HELL OUT OF THE HOUSE.

I'm finally starting to make peace with staying home, but only because I've managed to find the best of both worlds, a happy medium if you will, where I'm home during the weekdays and run my photography business mostly on the weekends. However, neither gives me sick days and right now, I just want to stay in bed. And only stay in bed.

Is that so wrong?

Although I must give credit when credit is due -- Candy Ass did go get me ice cream tonight since dinner didn't want to... stay down. I should have a nice trophy made for him. HUSBAND OF THE YEAR.

Told you I'm feelin' bitchy.

Comments

[Kristin]

I prescribe a hot toddy and a nanny. Neither of which are available to you, I'm sure, but isn't it a nice thought?

[Donna]

Amen Sistah!!!
I was a stay-at-home mom for the first ten years of my boys' lives and I agree. . .it is the most thankless (oh well, we DO get that ONE day a year - woohoo) and most taken-for-granted job on the planet. I've held several REAL jobs (said with eyes rolling) since then and they have been NOTHING in comparison. NOTHING.
Being a stay-at-home mom DOES have its rewards, but getting a sick day? Forget about it (think Joey when you say that line).

I hope you feel better soon.

[Tamara in GA]

Nothing worse than a man cold for him & you just have to keep on truckin'. Life isn't fair & I am thankful everyday, (when I am not sick) that I am NOT A MAN! It would be so sad to have to keep all those ESPN Classic stats & other worthless tidbits where useful info could go...like where the boys cleats are, or when the dog had his last shots, how to get blood out of a white jersey, etc. Wait, when did we get old & boring?

[evil chef mom]

my biggest pet peeve is also when you are a stay at home mom with little kids other working mothers want to treat you like a running day care for their kids... the whole, "i have an to go get my eyebrows waxed and go grocery shopping. do you mind if little Sally hangs out with your kids? she's won't give you ANY problems."

feel better soon.

[TwentyFourAtHeart]

It sucks. Wish I could give you some uplifting hope for the future, but truth is it just sucks when you're sick. And husbands are CLUELESS as to what we even do all day. Briefcase freaks out if he gets the sniffles, but has literally scowled at me the day after surgery for asking if he could help out. CLUELESS!

[skissman]

I hear you my dear. I've been sick all this week as well. Thank god the only one I have at home is my 8 yr old who can mostly mind himself. I think I slept for 3 days after getting the big kids out the door for school. Homeschool was on sick leave this week.
My dh wanted me to see the doc, but for what? a virus? blech.
Drink lots of fluids and have some soup. Remind your kids you really feel yuccky.

[Kate]

I hear ya. I've had a headache for the last two days and am begging the Good Lord that it's not a sign of sickness to come. First, I have too damn much to do, and second I'm headed to SoCal on Tuesday!

Hope you get feeling better. Tell Candy Ass that as soon as he walks in the door tonight, he's on duty and you hightail it to bed!

[Christi]

I work and long to stay home...

BUT when I'm sick I still go into the office. I get more rest there than I would if I stayed home.

[Sprite's Keeper]

I don't know about Husband of the Year. Maybe Husband of the Day. What has he done for you today?
Get thee to a Starbucks and caffiene, at least suffer with some salvation at hand!

[SherE1]

I'm with Christy 100%! I, too, feel like I get more rest when I go to work.

When I do BEG my husband to let me have just one day to be sick and stay in bed and take whatever meds I need to knock me the eff out, do you know what he does? He takes the kids to his Mom's house. *sigh* I'll take what I can get.

Feel better soon!

[Florencia]

I know how awful it is to be sick and simply not have the option of actually "taking a sick day." But I also know that not all husbands are so, er, clueless as commenters are saying. Mine stays home with our 18 month old and works nights. Yes, he's pretty damn ornery from the lack of sleep but I am so grateful that our daughter has had one of us stay with her this long. She will hopefully go to daycare in June and he will get to sleep... oh, sweet sleep. Feel better!

[Luciana]

Delurking to say just one thing: I've done both, stay at home taking care of kids (not mine, but still, I was helping a family member that was sick and acting as "mom") and work in an office (my normal job).

I can easily say that even when pressure is high at work, and when I have to work 10 hours straight without time for lunch, for days in a roll, I NEVER GET AS TIRED AS I WOULD BE AT THE END OF THE DAY WHEN I WAS TAKING CARE OF KIDS AND THE HOUSE.

There's simply no comparison. I agree with other poster - you deserve a nanny when you get sick! It's not fair that only people who work outside the home get to stay in bed when sick... Especially considering that the amount of energy necessary to take care of kids and a home is much biggern than needed to funtion in an office!

I hope you feel better soon.

[Tamara in GA]

By the way...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24671066>1=43001

Fightin' words for ya!

[Claudia W.]

I am so sorry that you are not feeling good at all. Be as bitchy as you like, you have paid your dues! I hope that you get well fast. I am just getting ove r a bout of something, God only knows what it was, I'm talking allergy, head, chest cold, stomach upset and other stuff thrown in as well. Hang in there!

[Backpacking Dad]

When I got sick a couple of weeks ago I toughed it out for a day at home, still trying to take care of my daughter. She was so sweet; she didn't fuss once about being in her playpen for the better part of 24 hours that first day, just played happily and leaned out for kisses whenever I came close.

The second day, though, I couldn't deal with the guilt of leaving her in her playpen while I had fever dreams in the bed. So I had my wife drop her at the backup child care center she has at work. Hooray! I finally got a sick day.

Now if I can just figure out how to pull of a vacation.

[Along]

I can't begin to understand what it takes to be a SAHM because I could never be one, in the actual sense of the word. I would go mad. Literally.

My mom was a SAHM and when I think of all the shit my brothers and I gave her, I shudder. Plus the fact that she's still behind us all the way, non-stop...Rah, Rah, Rah for her kids...it's amazing.

SAHM should make more than the president. Even that would not be enough.

[Mayberry Magpie]

Don't get me started! My husband is a SAHD, and nothing chaps my ass more than working mothers who have no idea what it's like to be a SAHD . . . like he's got some great life with endless laundry and yard work and teacher's meeting. The working spouses have the easier deal and I'm the first to admit it.

Mayberry Magpie

[notjustbarbra]

I just blogged a very similar point today! At least my husband stayed at home while I was sick... I guess I have it pretty good, but somehow I end up feeling guilty as I can hear him trying to get work done on the phone - I try to tell myself, it's okay, I should tell him to go in, I can do it... oh, no, gotta go back to the bathroom again, never mind.
And now he is sick; and my 8 hours of sick (with cooking dinner that night, thankyouverymuch) are paling in comparison to his 14 hours and counting...

[RV]

You must be feeling sick because you just named Candy Ass Husband of the Year! Are you ok??

[karly]

You need to look up "the man cold!" on youtube. Oh man, is it funny (and so true!!)

Hope you feel better soon.

[La Petite Belle]

awww I hope you're feeling better. Have you noticed, though, how when the husband is sick, even with a minor cold, they get all babyish and "omg I feel like I'm dying"???? It's so funny, when my husband is sick he does this, and stupid me, I voluntarily become his sick nurse. bleh.