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29 September 2008



10 Baby! My hubby and I (try to) have sex daily if the kids will stay away long enough! Definately, you fight more if you're not having it! And the more you do it, the more you'll want it without.a.doubt! I do it even if I don't want to and then I end up enjoying it more than he does, wink-wink! Oh the irony! Some people watch tv, some read books to nod off to la la land, nope, not us...

Donna in VA

I'm the wrong person to participate in this little query. . . cuz I don't remember. I've been divorced so long that dinosaurs possibly roamed the earth.
What I DO know though is that sex is a very different animal to men and women, and it would solve a lot of problems if we could both get on the same damn page. It's important to both of us. . . just for different reasons. But they way I look at it, it's benefiting both for whatever reason, so I say just get on with it. Chances are. . . you'll forget what you were arguing about.


an 11. no seriously. and i'm with you....only one step further. i think ppl should live together first as a trial run....how else will you know about those annoying habits that drive you batshit insane? you REALLY want to learn those a honeymoon? try for sex at least a few times a week, no set schedule or anyhing stepford-ish, but it does decrease fighting quite a bit. which is kind of sad and kind of not.

JP in IL

1. 10
2. as often as possible
3. major correlation

Sprite's Keeper

1. 7. Sex is important, but not as important as love and respect.
2. We try for 4 times a week. We don't always succeed, but some weeks are better than others.
3. Big correlation.

foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)

On the 1 to 10 scale, this is a 10. It's the most basic way we have of communicating, even when the othe methods of communicating are a little disjointed at the time. If I weren't married to a man who was away from home some weeks more than he's here, I'd have no problem with the daily to every-other-day sex, but I also think the flirting that goes on during the times sex isn't is also a big part of things. We may not always see eye to eye on things, but the flirting pretty much goes on. However, every couple is different, and I suppose if they agree to what they like, then the time between sex is perfect for them. I know for us, when he's been gone for far too long, or there is a situation in our lives that disconnects us and we're bickering or nit-picking, the whole sex thing is usually off the table, and the longer that's the case, the more frustrated I get, so, yes, I think there is a direct correlation.

The Stiletto Mom

Apparently I am way behind the curve here and need to get my act together. We have kind of an opposite situation. I work, he is a SAHD. My job is a time sucker with travel plus we have two kids. Add all that up and I fall asleep early way too many nights. Good reminder...thankfully, we are going away for a grown up weekend starting Friday! And yes, we fight WAY LESS when we spend more time attacking eachother. :)

DC Urban Dad

1) A big fat 10 plus - you have to have that physical contact. You need to be touched. It is like air.

2) As often as you possibly can. If you don't have the "time" do some heavy petting. Break out the toys.

3) Um yeah.

Man, now I just wanna go home and skip work.


Wow. You are so right!

1. I'd say 8
2. As often as possible
3. Let's just say that when we were trying to get pregnant we NEVER fight.

As a side note....i think the reason we don't fight when we are frequently "busy" is cause:
1. It's hard for women (in my opinion) to get busy and be upset
2. When you're hubby wants some...you know it...cause you nag at something and he just lets it go...haha


I'm pleading the 5th, but am curious to see everyone's responses.

evil chef mom

my husband has a big time sucker job too and he works nights, so honestly having sex is tough but you have to make it a priority so a ten. i think every couple is different about having sex but if you ask my husband he'd say have sex all the time. and about question three... i'm sure there a correlation but again i think every couple is different.


I would say 10 fo' sure. Blue balls hurt and that makes them cranky. Plus, I think having stored up (you know what) is the source of their crankiness. Once relieved of that source, they're fine.

Have sex as often as children allow. Me and my guy haven't fought in weeks, because he's happy right now :)

All said, there is a direct correlation in the two.


1. On a scale of 1 - 10, how important is sex in a relationship?
I say actual sex? 7 - physical contact, intimacy, positive nonverbal communication? that's a 10

2. How often should couples be having sex?
As often as possible! Sometimes its just not possible and that's when the rest comes into play.

3. Is there a correlation between not having sex and fighting?

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly

My hubby works long hours too and by the end of the day we are both POOPED. However I totally agree that sex is OH so important. I think if more people lived together and had sex there would be less divorce. Just sayin'. BTW I didn't know I could O every time I had sex until my hubby. TMI sorry but for reals yo! (that is my inner gansta for you)

1. 10+
2. As often as they are both up for it. We like 3-5x a week, but at the least 2
3. absolutely. We are WAY bitchier when we haven't dtd in a while.


1. So beyond 10
2. in a perfect world....every day.
3. sex is always the best way to let out some pent up frustrations.


I'm givin' it a 9! I can only speak from having children in our house but the intimacy is a huge part. Finding time after a long day at work and running kids to after school activities can wear you down but setting aside time for bedroom (or wherever you can find it)activity keeps the bond strong! Studies have shown that it releases tension so it has to correlate directly with the fighting and arguing when there is lack thereof. Not to mention, it is great to let your hair down and just enjoy things in the raw!


1. sex is probably an 8.

2. couples should be having sex as often as they want to... i go periods where, bc of my depression, we won't have sex in a week... or if it's 'that time' of the month... on average we have sex whenever we can get the chance too.

3. oh is there EVER. my husband will tell you- a happy man is a man who has sex with his wife. who enjoys being physically close. we tend to forget about one another if we don't have that physical relationship.


I'm gonna second CourtneyRyan369 - I'd have hardly even worded that differently. Perfect.


1. I'm going with an 8.
2. People should be having sex more often than I am, but two-three times per week seems to minimize the fighting.
3. There is definitely a correlation. Many a time I have had sex just to get past the fighting, even if I wasn't at all in the mood.


1. 6 maybe. I used to love sex, but then I got sick. I rarely feel up to it and when I do I prefer to masturbate because it is more efficient for my failing energy levels.

2. Whenever they want to.

3. No.

Robin @ Party of Five

1) 10 !!!!!

2) As much as humanly possible. He's my drug.

3) There is a HUGE correlation between sex and fighting. The longer we go the more tense/mean we get with each other. It's torture.


1. 10
2. If it were up to boyfriend...morning,noon,evening,bedtime.
But, for me, once a day is good.
3. The only fights we have ever had is when it has been a few days... :) So, yeah, huge correlation!


1) Ten, ten, TEN! I always judge a relationship on four tiers of passion: Physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual. Passion in all areas is equally important. And sex (10!) is a physical manifestation of alllll the four parts.

2) VERY OFTEN. And on those days without the full on deal, there should always be some kind of physical expression going on between you.

3) No sex = built up tension. Lack of communication, expression, connection. All bad.

Great post.

Black Hockey Jesus

I gots to have it.


All Im gonna say is this .. married 16 years and we have sex DAILY .. 9 times out of 10 .. more than once a day. THATS how we ended up with five kids. But anyway yeah .. sex several times daily for 16 years.
Im a lucky BIATCH.
True Story.


1. 9--it's VERY important but not the MOST important thing

2. At least once a week. These four times a week commenters you have here? They must be newlyweds. Four times a week? Really? Do they have jobs and kids?

3. It is vital to a marriage relationship.

Daddy Joe

One hearty AMEN. Sex is da bomb. I have found that the missus and I tend to get little snippy with out it. After we have, uh, "conferred" we tend to be closer and actually present a more unified front to the rebels children.

As for the frequency, prior to kid 2, I would hit that, we were engaging about weekly. Post-kid 2, it is more like every other week, sometimes more frequently, sometimes less.

Awesome post! And as Ruth Westheimer should have said, "Now go pull out your naughty jammies and give him what for."


The short answers
1. 10 definately
2. As often as you can manage.
3. Yes.

The long answer however is that it depends on the season of your marriage. Been doing this for 25 years and between careers, 4 kids, illness and life just happening, the sexual part of the relationship has seen everything. There was a time that our good sex life was the only thing that kept us going and together, then there was a time when there was no sex for over 9 months and that was okay too.... After 25 years together, once a week seems to fit the bill buttheres lots of affection in-between.

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