Dear Annoying Movie Goers Behind Me,
Hey assholes - yeah you! The rude mutha fuckas sitting behind me at the movies last night? YOU SUCK. Try swapping slurpy sounding spit in some other dark place or at least have the courtesy to sit a few rows behind everyone else. I mean, shit, there were only six of us - total - in the whole goddamn theater and you had to sit directly behind me? Of course you did! Because you suck!
At first I tried to ignore you, 'cause I remember being all young and hot and bothered in a movie theater... waaaaay back when... once upon a time... but then I saw that neither of you were really that young (at all) and that you had actually lifted up the arm rests on the seats to create a makeshift bed ? of some sorts and I have to say, it was a little... distracting. The giggling and the rubbing? I COULD HEAR YOU ASSHOLES OVER THE MOVIE which, um, hello! says something.
But when you answered your ringing cell phone mid-movie? I thought I was going to lose!my!shit! Because, seriously? Who the fuck does that? (Apparently you numbnuts are the reason for that idiotic "turn off your cell phone please" chant the theater does before the show begins.) And it's not like you were like "Hello? I'm at the movies, can't talk, gottagobyebyenow." No. Not you. You carried on a goddamn five minute conversation, and then, when you finally hung up, you felt the need to repeat and discuss the entire conversation with your other horny half.
I'd have rather had some pre-teen's M&Ms thrown at my head for an hour and a half.
And by the way, in case I haven't told you already, YOU SUCK.
Hugs & Kisses (wet, sloppy ones with lots of tongue & spit),
Candy Ass and I went to the movies last night to see my new ad (for my photography business... it plays over & over before the movie - like a trailer) which debuted last night. So we had free tickets and went and saw Burn After Reading. It's a dark comedy with quirky plot lines and if it weren't for the fact that Brad Pitt is in it, I'd say I loved it. But he is in it so I can only tell you it was decent.
[The New York Times should really hire me to do movie reviews.]
Anyway, I wanted to rip out my earrings (wasn't wearing any) and go toes (throwdown) with this annoying couple behind us. Instead, I behaved like an adult (goddamn it) and just chewed angrily on my $8 worth of Skittles. (I think I tasted too much of the rainbow, though... my stomach hurt afterward from all that sugar. See what stupid people do to me?!)