Quality vs. Quantity in the Bedroom

There's something guys don't seem to get. My husband included. When it comes to sex, sometimes (if not often times) a quick, intense romp in the sack is far more satisfying than a long, drawn out lets-see-how-long-I-can-last session.

I don't know what they taught you boys in the 4th grade during that awkward hour-long "Get to know your body" puberty lesson. (You know, the one where they separated the girls from the boys and the boys got to hear that occasionally their brain extensions might cause them a little embarrassment whereas the girls were essentially devastated with the news that we were cursed with a body part that essentially turned us into rabid bitches 5 to 7 days out of EVERY MONTH until menopause. Which menopause? Equally upsetting news, by the way.) But guys, girls want QUALITY not QUANTITY in the bedroom. And sometimes, quality is made to order QUICKLY.

For realz.

Now don't get me wrong, there's times when longer is better. (Well, duh. But I'm still referring to time in the sack versus size. That's another post for another time - perhaps after my mom starts speaking to me again.) There are times when holy hell if it could last FOREVER, we'd be absolutely fine with that.

But honestly? Most of the time, we prefer a quick wham! bam! thank you ma'am! job. We want to get ours the way you want to get yours and rather than you trying to prove your manliness via longevity, you should be accepting this not as an appeasement but as the honest to god truth AND BE HAPPY WITH IT. The pressure is off!

I told my husband this and he just shook his head. "Yeah right."

No. REALLY. Without getting into the nitty gritty of it all, let me just tell you that the well dries up. Rubbing anything too long results in... chaffing and tenderness... which ow! And not exactly "Oh face" inducing, if you know what I mean.

So guys, no more saying the alphabet in your head over and over, thinking about your grandma nekkid (don't even lie) or singing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" to yourself quietly in an effort to make it last. We don't care to go seven tedious innings every game. A nice grand slam out of the park will leave us just as impressed. Especially if you can make it happen in the first inning. 

:::

This has been a Public Service Announcement from Tired Wives of America Everywhere.  

Comments

[pamela]

I'm printing this and taping it on the fridge right as soon as I finish typing this. This is amazing...

You would think they they'd want a quickie as well... but I'm a stay at home mom, I have a lot of shit running through my head and theres sometimes that I dont care about a 30 minute romp in the bed (or on top of the washing machine) you know? I just want it quick and amazing!

[Matthew]

I'm embarrassed and I'm not even your husband.

But I totally took notes.

[sarah]

Um, ya, and the well especially dries up for this breastfeeding post-partum mom of a five-month-old.

Balls out - nicely said.

[Julie @ Angry Julie Monday]

AMEN.

[Angel Smith @ CheekySweetie]

A-freaking-men. If I knew it was gonna be quick, he'd get laid every night. Just give me some long, tender lovemaking once a week, and a good headboard slammer every other week, and in between, let's just do it and move on.

[VDog]

I've been known to say, "are we done yet?" It's kinda like "are we there yet?" but slightly different.

Snort.

[momranscreaming]

sometimes the faster they knock it out of the park the better. As long as both sides win. I'm going to put this on my fridge too as we had a 1 inning success the other night and were both cracking up about how lame we were.

[Summer]

Thank You! Mine thinks I'm some freak because I'm not interested in a 2 hour session every time. I'm bored and ready to be done by that time. LOL

[Beth]

Alleluia!

[Maddie Marie]

i totally agree. i don't enjoy those long drawn out sessions too often. my mind goes elsewhere. i make grocery lists and think about the laundry that needs to get folded as he's humping away. let's at least do it doggy style if you're gonna want an hour long session of sex. i can watch tv that way and it frees up my hands. those dishes aren;t gonna wash themselves!
speed it up, boys! not talking jack rabbit sex, but really make it quick once in awhile.

[Tiaras & Tantrums]

OMG! I love this!! I have to remember this - telling hubs only the 1st inning tonight - okay!

[BusyDad]

Well then let me just say this for the first and last time in my life. I'm supafly TNT!

[Scattered Mom]

Well, sometimes you only have just enough time to slip the teenager some cash to run to the corner store for candy so you have some ALONE time.

But they might get back quicker then you expected, and stand under the open ensuite window and ask what you're doing. Or why the front door is locked.

*sigh*

Ya, quickies are good.

[mariah]

I too am putting this up on the refrigerator, long and romantic is great, but HEELLOOO a quickie does the job jst as well

[foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)]

There definitely comes a point where, after I've lured my husband with a little "Let's DO THIS!," that I'm tapping him on his shoulder (or, well, somewhere) and saying "Hey, seriously, are we STILL DOING THIS?!?"

So yeah. If this were a petition, I'd be signing.

;)

[Overflowing Brain (Katie)]

Seriously.

I've tried to make this point. That it really isn't necessary to have a 3 act performance, a one scene show is equally satisfying. And yet, he's always apologetic when it's short. Are you kidding? I just got to have sex and now I have half of my evening left over. That is the best of both worlds.

(When my husband finds this, I'll be dead. It's been nice knowing you.)

[Heather]

Awesome.

[Cute~Ella]

Right on! Lucky for me, the guy I'm seeing understands this...and sometimes? We have a bonus inning. :)

[Miss Grace]

SRSLY.

[AMomTwoBoys]

DUDE. My husband is trained. He's got 5 minutes, and if he's not done, tough shit.

There's too much opportunity for him to breathe on me otherwise.

[Tricia Honea]

Oh my goodness. true dat. I tell hubz that he'd get it more often if it was quicker. you sort of lose the moment when a 3 yo is crying for his momma outside the door. If that doesn't dry everything up, the long session will. Plus it's too damn hot for anything extended.

[Sam]

LMAO! This totally reminds of one of my friends who called me *bawling* because she found out she was pregnant just after having a baby. I was all, "Um, HELLO. Aren't you guys using anything?" and she said, "Yeah, but I told him not to bother because I didn't feel like laying there for an hour. I WAS TIRED!".
Shorter is sometimes sweeter. And, apparently, there's less risk of pregnancy.

[Will]

It's not our fault it takes you seven to ten times longer on average to get to what takes us a couple of minutes if we really hold back.

That didn't sound very good did it?

[Miss]

I'm a little turned on with you using baseball analogies. I gotta admit.

I just like to do it. Long? OK. Short? OK. Backseat of the car in a random parking lot? FINE BY ME.

*snort*

[Red Lotus Mama]

*snort*

I don't know if this whole mid-30s theory about a woman's sex drive being at its peek, but all I know is that it is very true for me!

You are totally right quality is WAY more important to quantity ... but, if you can get the best quality WITH the quantity ... well, then you have hit the motherload! (Or should I say the dood will hit it over and over and over and over .....)

[Maura]

Well, I personally don't have this problem. I'm still waiting to be signed by a team. So if anyone needs a designated hitter...

[MsDarkstar]

I think this should be a pamphlet given out in Health Class in High School. Or, ya know, part of the premarital counseling session...(I do premarital counseling sometimes, do you mind if I make it a pamphlet? I'll give you writing credit!)

[Anon]

Just read this outloud to my husband. He feels like he was just told Santa Claus doesn't exist.

[Allyson/HBMomof2]

Had to come back to comment. Told hubby about the post and he was all, "Really?" and I was all "Um, yeah." Then relayed the whole killing of baseball analogies on twitter and how the first inning home run is good sometimes. Quick and quality are NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE! You, via me, just rocked his world and if I am lucky he is about to rock mine. Thank you, thank you, thank you for making my night, both on twitter and in the near future. You are a rock star.

[lynn]

That's it. Email me your snail mail address. I have a present to send you.

But you're right--quality over quantity every time. Sometimes you just want to get fucked, and that's usually when he's all "let me kiss every inch of your body."

I think that of which you speak is a major reason why so many women fake orgasm: to make him stop.

[ali (adil320)]

DOOD. I had this conversation with my husband last night. He didn't get it. I'm printing this out and putting it in his briefcase this morning.

[Donna in VA]

Priceless!!

[kandis]

i so had this conversation with the hubs a week ago. he was all "are you serious?" Yep I was. i think he all but jeezed in his pants right then.

[Arwen A]

Will, if it takes her 7-10 times longer than you, you are doing something wrong.

Marathon sex usually sucks. I had a boyfriend who thought two to three hours at a go was optimal. I was begging him to just finish after 15 minutes.

[melissa]

Awesome post!! Get it done in the 1st 10 because I don't care enough or have the energy to fake a second time.

[irreverent momma]

this was fabulous. thanks for making my morning.

[Apryl's Antics]

Short, sweet, and to the point. Just the way I like it.

[Karen Sugarpants]

AMEN! I pulled a fagina muscle last night - it was my 3rd time and he STILL hadn't yet. Which totally makes him a superstar but it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. :P

[Avitable]

Well, fine. I'll stop trying to last 30 seconds and just go my usual 10.

[DCUrbanDad]

You are a bad ass and make me laugh. One question though could it be that we want it last because it might be awhile before we get it again?

On the other hand, I am with you there times when brevity is best.

[Issa]

Thankfully my husband gets this. I think it was around the second kid, the one who never slept, that we came to agree on this. Like hai, I've got three minutes, ready?

Am loving that you'll post about it though. LOL.

[habanerogal]

Loves an outta the park grand slam in bottom of first inning oh ya

[Monatopia]

Um. Yes Please. Especially hate those times when you want to draw it out, then the baby wakes and NO ONE gets want they want.

OK. That's not true. The baby gets the boob. You sneak off to the bathroom.

Is just me that doesn't get what I want. BAH!

And I LOVE the baseball/sex analogies!! I drive my husband nuts with the snickering. Srsly? Scoring position? He never realized that phrase has sexual undertones? Really? Plus we have a pitcher named Randy Johnson aka THe Big Unit.

I live for the day when the announcer says... Randy Johnson is in Scoring Position.

[Lynette]

And I guess it would be rude to say "Do you mind if we hurry this along? I need to go grocery shopping"

[Andrea]

I have too much going on to lay there for an hour or more while he tries for marathon sex. There is laundry to be folded, dishes to be done, not to mention my laptop which beckons me whenever I try to do anything else.

And I'm not embarrassed to admit I would rather spend the extra 55 minutes on twitter!

Loved this post!

[Shay]

Amen! My poor hubby...if he's had some drinks he knows he's not getting anything just due to the fact it takes waaaaay too long.

[mechelle]

in response to will : "LOL it doesn't take all of us 7-10 times longer it really can only take 30 sec of just the RIGHT thing !!" lol
I agree with you UD.But I keep trying to tempt my husband with a quickie so I can actually have more quantity though , the quality is just a given. whoohoo go team!!

[Palinode]

As another commenter put it: as long as both sides win.

[Mrs. Priss]

So eloquent! hahaha

But seriously, I couldn't agree more. After a long day, you don't really want it to go on for hours and hours. Wam, bam, thank you ma'am! is MUCH more impressive.

[SurprisingWoman]

Just last night I was invited to go to a ballgame and I declined. I wasn't in the mood to sit through all the innings. If I could have said, let's just go for a quick homerun then he might have been happier.

I might have to send Dr. Sexy this post.

[badassdadblog]

Naturally I've known this for years, being the amazing sex master that I am. I mean, we've all heard the stories about Sting and his bullshit 15-hour tantric sex marathons. Who needs 'em?

That said, knowing the key to happiness is mutual satisfaction, sometimes one does need to hold out a little longer than one might be naturally inclined to do. In my case, I never thought about baseball or my grandmother (really don't want to puke on anyone). What usually works best for me, besides deep slow breathing, is thinking about a Kobe to Shaq slam dunk. There's basically nothing less exciting than a 7-foot tall, 350 lb, bald, sweaty Shaquille O'Neal to slow my motor WAY down.

Also, I hate baseball.

[Sandra]

Totally.

[nic @mybottlesup]

word.

[The Mother]

I blame all the adds for vitamins and supplements that boost "staying power."

At 11pm, when you've:a. been to powerlifting class, b. done four hours of yard work, c. made dinner, d. dealt with kids all day long, and e. finally had that glass of wine you've been craving, QUICK is BETTER.

[Kristen]

Way way before we were married my now husband once apologized for it not lasting longer. I looked at him weird and asked him if he had a good time - he said yes. I replied I had a good time too so why should it have lasted longer? There is nothing worse than the guy having to go get lube in the middle of sex because things are starting to chafe. If I want to walk funny the morning after it better because the sex was good, not hideously long and painful.

[Sara]

A to the Meeeen! I am totally making my husband read this!

[Hannah]

This should be required reading for all husbands, everywhere.

As Kramer said, "sometimes it's enough already and you just want to get some sleep".

Applauding your willingness to put this on the internet. And thrilled that so many other mommies feel the same way about this that I do.

[Andrea's Sweet Life]

Just hit "print". Leaving it on my husband's pillow.

[KYouell]

My husband sent me this, thank God. And thank you! I'm sure he thought I was nuts. It's lovely not to be the only one.

[Mo]

Ha! I'm forwarding this to my husband right now...

[Smug]

When my hubband and I were trying to get pregnant it took a lot out of us both. We finally talked and decided that he had about 10 pumps to get it done, we were tired and just wanted to get the baby made and then concentrate on "making love" another time. Of course, now that it worked and I am pregnant, the morning (noon and night) sickness has me not wanting anyone near me. (sigh) I miss sex... I miss feeling like I am not going to puke any second...
2 more weeks and I should be through this and then I expect my hubs to knock it out of the park in the 1st inning and come back for seconds about an hour later!

[krysta]

here, here!!!! i tell my husband this but he thinks i'm lying

[lori]

Well said. So glad you have the guts to talk about it. I'm to embarrassed.

[Hip_m0m]

Perfectly said. Oh, and if you could also keep in mind (guys) that we don't really want to snuggle afterward. I mean, you typically fall asleep and we're all ready to move on to the next thing on our to-do list!

[Deanna]

Its not sex until both people finish. Until then its just a favor.

The bf always outlast me. He says its stamina. I say its not needed.

[Jenni/mom2nji]

Dh and I had this talk about 5 years into our marriage and thankfully he believed me. Sometimes it is "love me long time" but most of the time, its fun and fast. You hit the nail on the head with that one!

[califmom]

"Are you done, because I'm done?"

Nobody said the girl had to be the sensitive one in the sack, sistahs. But, you keep us there too long, and there's a part of us that will be far too sensitive for business time.

[Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy]

It only takes me minimal time to orgasm. I'm a hit it and quit it sort of gal. But short sessions are better for me. I don't mind if it is long as long as I'm frequently switching positions. That way with every new position it feels like a new round of sex. Ow ow!

[Anna]

"Please don't hold it. Just go!" If I had a quarter for everytime I said that... *Snort*

[Tina]

OMG I SO agree. What IS it with guys...they think their manhood depends upon how long they can fuck.
Now, I don't want anything premature, but really? I am easily satisfied, almost before you do anything! So, yeah, let's shorten those marathon sessions. Mama wants some stinkin' sleep!

T.

[nicole]

Amen sister! I totally agree.

[Emily]

THANK YOU.

[Courtney in FL]

AMEN! I would so rather have several (two or more) quickies then one "can we finish this up please" any day of the week.

[Stesha]

Ain't that the truth!

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

[mama speak]

Where's the like button?

[MayoPie]

Got it. 1st inning, 4th batter, grand slam. But can I at least have a beer and a hot dog during the game?

[jimaiemarie]

this is HILARIOUS but oh so damn true!! LOL! I think I shall print this and give it to my hubbs ;)

[Shelley Moore]

ROFLMAO!!!!! I love you Megan! :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this, LOL!!!!!!!!! I have thought this just about every time for the entire length of my relationship with my husband< LOL!!! Gotta love him - but I'm with the rest of all the girls out there!

[La Petite Belle]

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOUUUUUUUUU!

[Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy]

I commented already on this post. However, my husband apparently read it or something along the lines and took it to heart tonight. So I'd like to emphasize that I would like it to last longer than the time it takes to blink.

That is all.

[kelley@myislandwedding]

This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

Right on sista.

[Karl]

Thanks, I could have used this knowledge about 20 years ago. Y'know, when I was still getting laid.

[Honeychild]

I thought I was the only one! I don't want anything too hasty but yes...the well does run DRY!!!

[Tantric Sex]

Long, relaxed love-making as in the form of tantric sex is amazing. I found this site where there are plenty of tips for extended sexual encounters.