Back on the Mainland

Wow. So I leave for Maui, neglect my blog, come back to Too Many Things To Do Right Now and finally decide to pay a little attention to my tiny piece of the internet and BLAM! Typepad has gone and changed everything and hell, I have no idea if this is going to save, post, publish or disappear into the outer blogosphere, gone forever.

I intended to come back from the OHMIGAWD IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL Maui and whoop up a video of photos and short vlog's I created while we snorkled at Molokini, ATV'd in the mountains behind Lahaina and lounged around sipping fruity drinks and eating pineapple like it was going out of style and post that bad boy right away for not so much your enjoyment, but mine.

But here's the thing. (In other words: excuse.)

Turns out, when you take a vacation (which we never have before. NEVER. Not in 13 years!) you actually return from your vacation desperately needing a vacation. So either we did it wrong or we did it right, but either way, god I'm exhausted and I haven't even gone through my mail let alone whoop up that super amazing Maui vacation video I dreamed about on the flight home when I wasn't saying my last good-byes because of the UNGODLY amount of turbulence.

*

Dear Pilot,

It makes me NERVOUS AS HELL when you make the flight attendants 'return to their jumpseats' several times during our long ass flight because we're 'about' to experience 'a bit' of turbulence. That tells me that it's about to get so turbulent that even they - the people who do this every day - won't be able to stand during it and that right there is enough to make me need another Xanax. Also? FLY AROUND THE GODDAMN CLOUDS/STORM/BERMUDA TRIANGLE. Jesus.

Mahalo,
UD 

P.S. The fact that they're called 'jumpseats' makes me need to abruptly remove the tiny-ass puke bag from the seat pocket in front of me just in case.

P.P.S. WHY ARE THE PUKE BAGS SO SMALL? Christ!

*

Anyway, I forgot what I was saying. But yes, we had an amazing time, Maui is beautiful, I highly recommend the Westin at Ka'anapali Shores and at some point, dammit, I will force you to watch a video of Candy Ass and I on vacation. BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

(Also, I missed you internet.)

Comments

[pamela]

and the internet missed you (especially twitter)

do we get to see you in a bikini ;)

[Avitable]

Are the videos the $29.95 night vision sex type videos? Because I totally have my credit card ready.

[Courtney]

I think you did it right if you get home and need another vacation!! Sounds like a blast, maybe we'll go there on our honeymoon!!

[Claudia W]

All I can say is that I am jealous, except for your flights there and back.

[tracey]

So glad your first vacation was a good one. Yes, I always come home feeling exhausted and needing a few days to relax AT HOME...

[Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy]

why ARE the puke bags so small? I once had the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls sign my puke bag. It was the only paper I had with me at the time. Also, I missed your presence on twitter. Oh! And when you figure out what illegal thing you are doing in NYC at BlogHer '10, let a girl know. I haven't done anything illegal in ages and would love to join in.

[habanerogal]

I know how you feel I just flew to Toronto to see the family for my mama's birthday and the GD plane flew through at thunder and lightning show as we are circling the city. I thought that I was going to be splattered all over the Skydome or impaled on the CN tower like that Cloudy with a Chance of Death movie. EEEK

[twitter.com/brazenbaretoe]

I forgot about the turbulence..Should have warned you. Last time we went to Maui the whole plane clapped when we landed. Like the show was over..clap..clap..clap. And there I was white faced with my head between my knees trying not to totally wig out. It’s a bit windy there.