What's for dinner? The details are fuzzy, the photos are fantastic though.

What I cannot wrap my creative little fingers around is how in just about every other aspect of my life - crafts, writing, event planning, lying - I am about as creative and innovative as they come but when it comes to cooking or whippin' up something in the kitchen, I stare blankly, blinking... my brain completely empty of ideas.

More frequently than I care to admit, I dutifully take out some sort of meat product from the freezer in the morning before doing school drop-offs so it can defrost in time for me to make something delicious out of it come dinnertime. Yet at 5:00 on any given evening you will find me at the kitchen counter with today's raw meat sitting impatiently in front of me practically yelling COOK ME BITCH! still in its packaging, my finger poking it through the plastic, watching as it immediately regains its shape when I stop prodding.

My mind dully drifts off, back to the 80s - aww, the 80s - when everyone had waterbeds that shaped your body as you laid on them and instantly filled back up when you got off of it. Not a very good analogy to the meat but a much more pleasant thought than cooking dinner. Then there were those awful folding lawn chairs in bright colors made up of that plastic lanyard like material that you used to sit in and as soon as you got up it took way too long for the plastic to recover to its normal shape so everyone could see just how big your ass AND thighs were when you moved? Do they still make thos-- Wait. Where was I? Oh yeah. Poking the meat. *giggle*

Hmm. What do I do with ground beef *this time?* Spaghetti? We have that every week. Tacos? We have that every week. Can you do anything else with ground beef? No? Fine. Spaghetti again!

Lather, rinse, repeat with chicken and steak. Do I use the Lawry's Season Salt or Montreal Steak Seasoning? OR BOTH! Oooh, live dangerously, Megan! (And by dangerously, I'm of course referring to not so much the marinating risk-taking factor as the high levels of sodium I'm about to poison my family with.)

The few times I've stepped out of my comfort zone nothing good came of it. And definitely nothing edible. There was that online recipe for cajun something-or-other that damn near killed me when I inhaled so much pan-fried pepper I thought I was going to die, the vegetable oil fire that gave me my first experience with deploying a fire extinguisher and the infamous homemade double-boiler explosion when chocolate covered strawberries ruined Easter. Or maybe it was me who ruined Easter. The details are fuzzy. The photos are fantastic, though.

The few things I *can* make (Super hot spicy salsa and a super hot spicy salsa dip. Yeah. That's it. Don't be so fucking judgmental. Geez.) hardly make a meal but I hold onto these recipes and refuse to share them because GODDAMMIT THEY'RE ALL I HAVE. Family and friends will ask me for my dip recipe saying they love it and I'll say "Oh sure. Yeah. I'll send it to you!" secretly vowing to never EVER send it to them because then what? THEN WHAT?! I'll have nothing that I'm known for. At least in the culinary sense. You know. Other than burning shit. Including me. (Wanna see some scars?) (Sorry, that's hardly table talk.)

I suppose I can make a crockpot'd roast. But then again it never turns out the same twice. And I do pour a mean bowl of cereal. (Don't! mess! with! me!) And this one time, I made the raddest burgundy pork tenderloin EVER (even though I don't eat pork) but the second time I tried to make it... who the hell knows what happened.

HOWEVER, if you want me to decorate you a paper plate or make you a creative Solo cup for drinking, I'm your girl. So. You know. There's that.

Comments

[123arnie]

First of all, if the raw meat is really yelling COOK ME BITCH, it's probably too tough to eat anyway.

[Margaret]

Sad part? I'm a good cook, Husband is mostly vegetarian so I've had to be creative, but most of the time I just. don't. wanna.

We eat a lot of pasta.

[avasmommy]

Sigh. Would you like for me to send you some super easy recipes for ground beef? They're Megan-proof, even. :D

[Peggy S Brister]

I can't be of much help b/c I am vegetarian, but I use ground beef to cook (for my kids) spaghetti & tacos just like you do, but I also use it to make hamburger helper, hamburger patties for burgers, and smothered patties where you pan fry the hamburger patties them make gravy in the pan with them and let them cook in the gravy. You can also use the beef to make meatloaf. Just add an assload of ketchup and garlic powder and mush that shit all in a loaf pan and cook it for an hour and a half. Or maybe an hour. Fuck I dunno.

[UD {Megan}]

HAHAHAHA, Peggy. HELPFUL. :)

[Kellee]

One more thing to do with ground beef? The MOST IMPORTANT thing to do with ground beef, I should say. Shepherds pie! So easy. And tasty! And easy to make for a whole family. Throw that into your mix.

I'm with you on the cooking, though. I suck at it too. I'd rather bake cookies. :)

[Momo Fali]

I laughed out loud while reading about those stupid lawn chairs. I'm STILL laughing out loud. Crying a little, even.

Don't feel bad. My husband ate pizza bagels for dinner tonight. Guess what I cooked at school today?

[The Mother]

About the only thing I do with ground beef is meatballs. I don't use previously ground for hamburgers, since my family eats them virtually raw--we chop our own.

[Jen]

I know I am southern and you are not (don't be hatin' - we can't all be from Texas) but have you ever tried a pork loin? You can slow cook the shit out of one of those suckers. There's a recipe out there somewhere with a pork loin, a can of crushed pineapple and some soy sauce - makes a gravy that you serve over rice - my kids LOVE IT.

I'd tell you the recipe myself but I ain't no Martha GAWLDAMN Stewart. My husband does all the cooking. Why? One, he is from Louisiana and in Louisiana, men cook. And two... the fire department recomended it.

[UD {Megan}]

LOL, Jen. Best last line EVER!

Also? I don't eat pork. Nothing religious, just don't like it. But it sound like something my husband would LOVE.

[mel]

Salsa recipe please! I'm trying all kinds of dips and salsas lately.
I hate cooking, if I was rich we would eat from the Whole Foods buffet more than I'd like to admit. At least I wouldn't feel so guilty about the eating out part.
We have tacos every week too. Taco Tuesday to be exact, or if I'm slacking, it becomes Taco Thursday. I've been using ground turkey in place of beef because for some reasons it sits with me better than looking at raw red meat.

[BIttersweet Confusion]

Hey I'm all about leftover resurrection aka putting the same stuff and packaging it in a different way. If you don't want to make tacos (again) you can just make the meat filling, add rice and cheese and roll that sucker into a BURRITO!!! add some of your (i'm sure) awesome salsa and sour cream and VOILA NEW MEAL!!!

[Katy]

I cook twice a week: Taco Tuesdays, and Pizza Fridays. My husband cooks the other days, and thank God, b/c otherwise it would be tacos every other day; pizza every other day. Homemade pizza's not too hard though, especially if you buy the dough already made, sauce in a jar and pre-grated cheese. Yup, I like to keep it REALLY homemade like that. I hate cooking! If it takes longer to cook it than it does to eat it, it's too damn long in my book. (And my husband is from Louisiana too; must be why he cooks!)

[Christy]

5dollardinner.com ... she's got some really good, easy recipes. some of them I alter because she uses beans... a lot, and really, beans are good for you but just not my thing, lol.

also, check out bettycrocker.com for her skillet recipes. I love one pot meals. easy clean up.

[Christy]

5dollardinnerS.com forgot the s :)

[Jenna]

Sounds like you need to get into a routine or plan dinners out a week ahead of time. Then you can be distracted by water beds and lawn chairs the rest of the week.

And I second mel, any chance you'll be sharing your salsa recipe soon?

[Apryl's Antics]

You can also make chili in the crock pot. My mom adds spaghetti. It sounds weird, but it's really good. I also mix ground beef with taco mix and add it to yellow rice (the prefab packaged kind that takes 25 minutes) instead of making tacos with it. The kids dig it.