Reindeer Games
At Holy Christian Loves Jesus Praise the Lord Preschool, Christmas is done with a vengeance. Um, excuse me, I mean, Jesus' Birthday is celebrated like CRAZY. It's BIG TIME don't-mess-with-Jesus' Birthday let's party like we're away in a manger BAD ASS.
Being a private school and all, the gift giving amongst 4 and 5 year olds is a bit out of hand. Every one of E-man's little classmates has left him a little something in the way of a Christmas gift in his cubby. And I've been feeling the pressure to reciprocate...
Initially, my thought was to buy each of the 21 kids a 42" Sony Bravia Plasma TV. But then I got ahold of my senses and was like, "There's no way I could fit all those in my car!" So I had to re-think my gifts. A bottle of Jack Daniels? Probably not a good idea since I don't think they make sippy lids for those bottles. Naming a star after each one of them? Probably a waste of time since I'm certain these parents have already given their children THE WORLD.
So I had to do what I had to do. I busted out CRAFTY DIVA, dusted her ass off and got to crack-a-lackin' on some seriously CHEAP - but crafty - gifts for E-man's friends.
[TANGENT: I know it defies all science and logic, but as undomestic as I may be, I am surprisingly crafty. I can be pretty freakin' creative when I need to be, although I'm not exactly graceful as I go along. For instance, HOT GLUE, the most ingenious invention EVER, does not, by the way, feel fantastic under your finger nail.]
I decided on Candy Cane Reindeers. So simple, so cheap and they kinda make me look like I've got it together when really, IT'S JUST A FACADE.
But here's the thing. (There's always a catch, isn't there?!) I kinda got bored oh, say, two into the 21 I had to assemble. So as I sat hot gluing red noses and googly eyes and twisting pipe cleaners into antlers, I began imagining the conversations between these oddly scary little creatures that were staring back at me. And not only did I imagine the conversations, I kinda created a whole scene... in a bar... and couldn't resist making one of the reindeer into a cyclops. Just to see how it looked.
AND NO, I'M NOT CRAZY.
OK... a little crazy. But you're curious aren't you?? And what does that make YOU? Crazy??
Here's how it went:
THE END.*
Damn, I should have been a playwright.
*This, by the way, is the scene on any given night at a bar in Los Angeles. And you should take my word for it, being that I, a mother of three young boys, am out there on the club scenes almost nightly. You know... shakin' my ass, gettin' Stella's groove back (??), rockin' the Roxbury and just bein' MEGALICIOUS.
