Here's the thing about Easter (and every other kid-friendly holiday), it's all sugar and fun until the day is done. And no, I didn't intend for that to come out so damn clever.
Like many families in America yesterday, we did the Easter basket thing, we did the egg hunt thing (times 3 - I know.) and we did the big dinner. During which, btw, I do believe I ate my weight in ham and funeral potatoes. Which, btw, I do believe is the #1 rule of Easter.
Anywho, in-between each event, my kids scarfed their weight in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, mini Rolos and bite size Twix. Normally, I am really strict about what my kids eat, which almost always means no candy, but today, the holiday whose sole foundation was built on candy, something about the holiness of the Peep (wait. it wasn't??) leaves me lookin' like the Grinch if I don't flex a little.
So I flexed. I was flexible. I let them eat themselves sick. That'll teach 'em.
HA!
I thought I truly regretted this decision when they were bouncing off the walls faster than bullets flew in that Shooter movie (why hello Mark Wahlberg!), drooling chocolate and peanut butter down their brand new white polos, fingers stained with malt ball speckles and Peep remnants under their fingernails. But no, I was wrong. The real regret did not come until bedtime when their sugar highs subsided into miserable tantrums of "I don't waaaaaaannnaaaa go to bed!" and "I don't like my mudder anymore!" and "Where are my egggggggs? I want to sweeeeeeep with them-em-em-em."
And I just wanna put on my sweats, unclasp that bra and wash the stickiness off my face. BUT NEITHER OF US ARE GETTING WHAT WE WANT RIGHT NOW, ARE WE??
I swear, the crying and the protesting that occurred just by sticking those little bastards in the shower made me certain that the neighbors would be summoning the police, certain we were beating them for sport. And while, yes, the thought did cross my mind at that particularly frustrating moment, it subsided considerably once I swiped an Almond Joy "Egg" from one of their baskets.
Tucking them into bed and meeting their tired little ass demands proved almost impossible. Who cares that it was 97 degrees today (no joke), they wanted THREE blankets. And their robes on. Because that makes sense. Oh but they forgot to brush their teeth. And they need a glass of water. "WAIT! CAN YOU TUCK US IN AGAIN? Coverrrrrrrs, puhlease Mommy! Covvvveeerrrss!!!"
Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "Vodddddkkkaaaaaa! Puhlease!! Vodkaaaaa! OH BUT WAIT! I NEED CRANBERRY JUUUUUICE TOO!!!"
If only life worked this way, I'm sure there would be world peace. And a limited supply of vodka.
Every holiday is like this. Fun, fun, fun until the fun dwindles and it's time to go back to reality. Sort of like anticipating the weekend and then what-do-you-know? it's Monday morning again. Just like - wait - is it?? Son of a bitch!
I love it!
Posted by: Tamara in GA | 24 March 2008 at 08:39 AM
Wow sounds kinda familiar. My kids indulged in junk all day long (I don't think my youngest ate one bite of "real" food) and then come bedtime they were monsters.
I live in the country so my kids can yell and scream and no one can hear them. Muwahahahahaha...
Ok that sounded plain evil. But last night they were evil. You know what I mean. ;)
Posted by: Karen Erickson | 24 March 2008 at 12:20 PM
Just got your site from Dooce's comments, oh my lord, that was the funniest thing EVER!! I have 2 girls, I call them "demon spawn 3 year old" and "Even worse then demon spawn 1 year old". Caught 3 year old hording the candy yesterday, she kept coming out with chocolate eggs and the like talking about "jelly beans are my favorite". How about I lock you in the closet, don't worry, plenty of water and jelly beans in there for you!! (joking, of course.. Kind of, no really, I am)
Then they woke up 5 times all night, hopped up on sugar and energy, wanting everything from "books (3yo)" and "baby (1 yo)". Vodka is definitely in my future.
Bless you for writing this, it made me spit my water all over the keyboard.
Posted by: Stacy | 25 March 2008 at 01:11 PM
Just got your site from Dooce's comments, oh my lord, that was the funniest thing EVER!! I have 2 girls, I call them "demon spawn 3 year old" and "Even worse then demon spawn 1 year old". Caught 3 year old hording the candy yesterday, she kept coming out with chocolate eggs and the like talking about "jelly beans are my favorite". How about I lock you in the closet, don't worry, plenty of water and jelly beans in there for you!! (joking, of course.. Kind of, no really, I am)
Then they woke up 5 times all night, hopped up on sugar and energy, wanting everything from "books (3yo)" and "baby (1 yo)". Vodka is definitely in my future.
Bless you for writing this, it made me spit my water all over the keyboard.
Posted by: Stacy | 25 March 2008 at 01:13 PM