There's always a hole in theories somewhere if you look hard enough.
- Mark Twain
***
We all have our theories on life, love and everything in between. You know... stuff like "Live like there's no tomorrow" and "Love is what makes the world go 'round" and "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
These little lines are our motto's, if you will, for going about our daily crap. I wouldn't call it religion, but more like philosophies we live by to make this bitch of a life seem more profound.
I, too, have many of these philosophies and quotes that I live by... but I've also got a few conspiracy theories that I throw into the mix from time to time, just to keep it interesting. For example, one of my motto's is "Thou shall not go to thy bed without watching Friends reruns unlessth thou wants to die of lightning bolt to they crown." At the same time, I have this conspiracy theory that Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds are the same person.
Just hear me out.
So as I sit watching an old Friends episode where Monica is dating Richard, I feel perplexed. Yes, I'm watching my favorite.show.ever, but here's Candy Ass to the left of me in bed (TMI: I sleep on the right) saying, No Megan, that's not Burt Reynolds, that's Tom Selleck! and I have to tune out the show in order to point out the obvious to Mr. Oblivious, that no, THEY ARE THE SAME MAN that Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck AND GEE, isn't that Tom/Burt guy (which is his real name? or are they both aliases?) really clever for coming up such a scheme?!
*Photos from Wikipedia
Although, I'm fairly certain him/they, Tom/Burt aren't the only one(s)(?) to have done this. It's kinda like when Garth Brooks disappeared off the face of the earth and reincarnated himself as Chris Gaines in some weird, embarrassing mid-life crisis played out via several media junkets and one bad album.
I don't believe that there are actually two Hilton sisters either. I think there's only Paris who, being the narcissist that she is, had to create "Nicky" as, um, how do I say this gently? a less attractive alter ego, who she (Paris) could trump in the ever-important areas of life like "popularity" and "success."
Think about it. It's starting to make sense, right?
More recently, there's a guy by the name of Javier Bardem who you might have seen as a super scary not-to-be-messed-with mutha fucka in that movie No Country For Old Men. I swear to god, that's just Brad Garrett (with a bad haircut) from Everybody Loves Raymond. I just can't be wrong about this one. It's uncanny.
I'm sure right now, someone in Hollywood is getting a google alert that I've gone and revealed The Big Secret of The Biz and will be on my ass to shut me up, offering me millions as incentive.
Hopefully.
In the meantime, I'm going to just wish I'd been the clever bastard to have come up with such an idea - the ultimate in 2fers or BOGOs. What's that infamous line? Better late than never? Nope. That's not it. Oh... now I remember - A day late and a dollar short.
Yep, that's me. Sigh.
Very good theories! I have often wondered the same thing myself. Oh and btw, I love Friends, too! I have all 10 years on dvd. Every now and again, I'll have a Friends marathon/quote-along weekend.
Posted by: Dawn in Austin | 28 July 2008 at 04:58 AM
Maybe Nicky invented Paris so she could appear to be the smart one.
Posted by: carolyn | 28 July 2008 at 05:07 AM
Um, you didn't eat those hot dog buns, did you? That's some trippy stuff there.
(And btw, Tom Selleck is a LOT hotter than Burt Reynolds.)
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | 28 July 2008 at 05:48 AM
Having bad facial hair doesn't make them the same person (or does it?).
Posted by: Sara | 28 July 2008 at 06:23 AM
hahahaha, you're so right. however, i find nicky to be waaaay prettier than Paris.
Posted by: La Petite Belle | 28 July 2008 at 08:05 AM
I still say Michael and Janet Jackson are one and the same....
Posted by: suzanne | 28 July 2008 at 08:46 AM
zooey dashnel and katie or is it kate? perry... same excact person!
Posted by: evil chef mom | 28 July 2008 at 08:54 AM
Yeah, I'm waaay super not sure how you could possibly mix up Reynolds and Selleck, as the only things they have in common is that they are white male Americans with brown hair who are not even roughly the same height (Selleck is over 5 inches taller - and in a caliber of hottness several massive orders higher). He is also a far more classy and talented actor.
Anyway, you might get a kick out of this: http://totallylookslike.com/
Posted by: Catherine | 28 July 2008 at 09:30 AM
Good theory. That never crossed my mind.
Also,as far as the "other McCain" crap, YOU GO GIRL! Can I get you to send a letter to my boss?
Posted by: Lori | 28 July 2008 at 10:54 AM
Burt Reynolds is like the trailer park version of Tom Selleck, just look at the pictures Selleck is so much classier.
Posted by: Courtney | 28 July 2008 at 01:39 PM
I know the theory of "Shit fire and save matches" but I totally didn't know "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
And Tom Selleck grows his own hair whereas Bert Reynolds buys his.
But I am totally on board with Michael and Janet Jackson being the same person - they have never been seen together in one place.
Posted by: Augusto | 29 July 2008 at 12:57 PM
i have the same theroy about Javier Bardem except...i believe he is Jeffrey Dean Morgan.( http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0604747/ )
Posted by: Ashley | 30 July 2008 at 09:29 AM