Where is Ben Affleck when you need him?

In the logical part of my brain (don’t laugh) I do realize that once upon a time, not that long ago really, there was no internet, no cell phones and pagers were just the tip of an iceberg that was certain to try and sink our printable Titanic. But today, when a huge chunk – my chunk – of Southern California was abruptly cut off from the rest of the world via phone and internet connections, I went into panic mode.

 

When my internet connection went down, I immediately thought to re-set my modem which is required from time to time. Nothing. Huh. So I tried connecting to a different network. Nothing. Huh. I tried pinging the DNS server. Nothing. HUH. So I called my husband, the network ops guy himself and… I got a fast-busy signal. Wait. Wha? Grabbed my cell phone. BIG FAT RED X where the bars for service should be. PANIC!

 

My next instinct? Twitter it. Only, how does one Twitter about their lack of internet connection when twittering requires an internet connection? MORE PANIC.

 

My mom came by. Like, in person. “You know, we all made it just fine without the internet not that long ago. You’ll be fine.” I couldn’t even twitter that she had said that. You know how funny that would have been to the people on Twitter? Me neither, because I didn’t get the chance to tell them.

 

Most people would take the forced offline “opportunity” to get something else done. Like housework. (You may laugh now.) I spent the day refreshing my network connections, unplugging and re-setting my modem, cursing/pleading/flipping off/chanting and begging the internet gods for that little earth icon to magically reoccur in the bottom of my desktop. Hours past. Nothing. Huh.

 

I suppose you’re expecting me to come to the conclusion at the end of this post that you know what? My mom was right. We just rely way too much on the internet these days! A few hours without email and Facebook and Twitter could only do us good, right?

 

Um, no.

 

It hurt. A little part of me died and I felt like for those six miserable godforsaken hours I was bleeding out and no one was there to even attempting to slow the blood loss. Someone had duct taped my virtual mouth shut and I was being censored. I wanted to not kill but badly mame Al Gore for inventing the internet but not a back-up for situations like these.

 

And worst yet? Here I sat, staring at a “cannot find server error” on my browser window for hours while being forced to realize that this, people, was Armageddon and Ben Affleck did not show up. That motherfucker.  

Comments

[Jessica (@It's my life...)]

I took a one WEEK vacation to no Internet land last summer. It almost killed me. There was a TON of twitching. And yes, I did periodically (as in every couple hours) try to start the blasted dial-up modem that always froze just as I managed to get to my email in-box. Do you know how frustrating it is to read the titles of emails and not be able to open them for DAYS? It was horrible. Good thing there was lots of wine available.

Glad you're back online!

[Donna in VA]

"duct taped my virtual mouth shut" - even though I totally understand the atrosity, I still had to laugh at that.
There are way too many of us out in this world of ours that are completely LOST without our dear friend, the Internet.

What DID we do before? Good question.

[la petite belle]

oh, i can relate. i seriously have NO desire to live without my internet. yeah, that's right. i own it.

[Courtney]

That has never happened to me...but I imagine I would want to "badly mame" Al Gore either way. Unless Ben Afleck showed up to stop me I would have to go medieval on someone!

[The Mother]

And why should we feel guilty for our increasing reliance on the internet? It is, undoubtedly, the most useful thing ever invented.

Except, maybe, birth control.

[DCUrbanDad]

A few years back I was between jobs and as such I did not actually have a cell phone (I had mine through work). It was a weird but kick ass feeling to be so disconnected.

[Sam]

I was so happy to have you back that I did a little happy dance in the middle of my kitchen, and that was just after a few hours.

[Lisa]

I swear, it was like going back in time yesterday. Everywhere I went, all people could talk about was the fact that the phones didn't work.

I had to actually keep a Dr. appt. because I couldn't cancel it since my phone and theirs weren't working (good thing, though, I ended up needed antibiotics!)

My internet never went down though....strangely enough.

[PrincessJenn]

Oh geeze. I would have been hyperventilating and having panic attacks. That should just not happen in this day and age. See... all the more reason for you to move up here. Those types of things don't happen here (I think it has something do to with the fact we're not about to fall into the ocean)

[Meg]

Wow...just wow... I'd like to say I'd be in the same position as you, but I don't even have a computer at home, so I'd be lying. Sorry about your luck, though. It sucks to be left waiting.

And damn you, Ben Affleck, where were you when megan needed you?!?!

[RV]

Damn! I wish my internet would go down then I would get to leave work early! But NNOOOOO all that happens here down south is the plumbing station loses power and now we are forced to boil our water until further notice... GREAT!!!!!! I dont get off work early for that one!

[Apryl's Antics]

I was without internet and cable tv last night at bedtime. FARG. It was like I had gone camping in my own home.

Then the cable company calls at 6:30 AM (while I am sleeping) to tell me my service is back!

Oh sure, Comcast, I'm going to bundle all of my services together and use you for my phone, too. Bitch, please! At least I still had a phone (too late to call anyone, but whatevs).

[Erica]

Hahahaha!! I am in 100% agreement. I would have been flipping out too.