Clearly, I need to get lei'd

You know what I’m doing? This right here? It’s called PROCRASTINATION. I seem to be brilliant about getting a wicked case of inertia when it comes to needing to get a lot of shit done in a small amount of time. I just stall, sputter and then run out of gas completely and my mind… wanders. Not in the way Einstein’s mind probably wandered either. His probably wondered where mind just wanders and really? I think I just proved my own point.

Right now I’m waiting for the Red Bull to kick in. You know, because THAT’S productive. Waiting for the artificial energy made of synthetic bull bile to motivate me to do something useful. (By the way, why ‘synthetic’ bull bile? Why not organic? Should I be asking this?) I don’t know what I expect from the Red Bull exactly. Maybe I’ll sprout those wings the commercials always promise? That’d be nice. ‘Cause when you don’t have enough energy to make a To Do list of all the things you need to do, you’re fucked.

Candy Ass and I leave for Maui in… I don’t know? A week? (Too lazy to even check the calendar at this point.) And I haven’t figured out how we’re getting to the airport, haven’t cleaned my house so my parents can stay here with the kids and not be completely disappointed in me as a housekeeper (like they don’t already know, I know, but still) or figured out who is going to feed the dog, never mind Steve, Jumping Steve and now the Salsa Making Beaver. (Maybe he eats the salsa he makes? If that’s true, then that’s the most self-sufficient pet EVER!)

And oh god, I haven’t even started making all those lists… school and soccer schedules, medicines and doses (thank you to the asshole that is strep throat and double ear infections times three) (P.S. I HATE YOU CVS, you inept pharmacy!), unpacking from my last trip so I have a suitcase to – oh yeah – pack for this trip and what about my blog? Whoops. And making and sending out invitations for L-Dub’s Optimus ‘Crime’ birthday party? Then there’s that little thing called work, paying bills, laundry (so we have some clothes to take with us, heh) and blah, blah, blah I CAN’T EVEN THINK OF ALL THE THINGS I NEED TO DO! And don’t tell me when we get back we will already be a full week into OCTOBER. Who let that happen?

I think time is lapping me. I think scientists need to take a serious gotdamn look into this. I no longer believe minutes are a full 60 seconds and hours a full 60 minutes and so on. Seriously. I’ve set the clock on my car many times and yet it always seems to be off by like 15 minutes from “actual” time. THINK ABOUT IT. This, and where single socks disappear to when going from the washer to the dryer, should be carefully re-examined. And documented. And then *I* want credit for pointing these things out. (After all, Einstein would have gotten credit for that.)

So I procrastinate. (And clearly, digress.) And live in Denial. Which is a lovely place, I might add. Everything is beautiful here in Denial – no deadlines, no worries, no problems, no lists, nothing! Which, now that I think about it, sounds a lot like how the brochure described Maui… hmm. As long as we don’t die in some fiery plane crash in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where NO ONE WILL EVER RECOVER OUR BODIES (note to self: write letter designating legal guardians in the event of our deaths before leaving the ground), Maui sounds like exactly what I need right now.

Comments

[Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy]

I live in Denial. Second house on the right. Stop by some time.

[tracey]

Maui sounds like what I need, too.

[David K]

I started doing my income tax this past weekend because I thought the extension was good until Oct. 1, but I checked the IRS Web site today and it's good until the 15th, so, yeah, fuck it.

[Ginny]

Don't worry. If you die in a plane crash you probably won't really care where your body is. Just a thought, b/c I'm the optimistic type.

[UD]

THANKS Ginny. Jeez.

[Elizabeth]

Not to be a Debby Downer, but I live in Hawaii and you just described my life. So, maybe it'll be good for you. Maybe I should go back to the mainland and take a break from Hawaii...

[Kristin]

Ah, a woman after my own heart. With a few tweaks, I could have posted this exact same thing (well, not exact coz once I tweak it that kind of isn't "exact same" anymore...but, I digress)...perhaps I will copy/paste...later...

Procrastination is not a dirty word :)

[Futureblackmail]

I'm sorry...are you bitching about how much you have to do AND going to Maui ALL in the same post?

I do not feel sorry for you. At all. :)

[Courtney]

I think you've got something with the clock always being 15 minutes off and losing one sock, you should totally have someone look into that and take the credit!

[Apryl's Antics]

Sounds similar for me without the Maui, well except for the Maui I visit in my head while I'm supposed to be working.

[MommyGeekology]

Oh, have fun in Maui!

[Blondie]

Your parents have raised children before. No need for silly lists. I'm sure the kids will tell them what they're supposed to do.

Go. Relax in Maui.

But watch out for the sharks. And jellyfish. Best to just stay out of the water altogether.

[pamela]

can i get lei'd with you?

[Claudia W]

I'll come and take care of all your pre Maui stuff if you will take me with you!

[How to Party with an Infant]

I second Debby Downer. I need a vacation from Hawaii!

[the inadvertent farmer]

I'm still stuck on the line where you imply that you are going to Hawaii with no kids...Kim with envy in her heart