UPDATED: Never leave home without your Blackberry. Duct-taped to your hand.

It was like any other afternoon in Southern California. 83 degrees and the sun was causing premature wrinkles - possibly skin cancer - on the left side of my face as it shone through the driver's side window of my car. I was attempting the normal school pick-up routine, in-route to fight suburbia at its meanest - bumper to bumper, minivans versus ginormous SUVs - to do battle in the elementary school parking lot.  

Suddenly it hit me and the mundane normalcy of that Tuesday screeched to halt faster than a driver can yell "Fuck! Pedestrian!" when they have discovered they have crossed that yellow line a little too zealously. It struck me all-of-the-sudden like one of those turtle shells you send spinning in the new Mario Bros Wii game when you've jumped on an unfriendly green turtle then accidentally kicked it, sending it ricocheting off a brick and right back at you, causing you to shrink OR EVEN DIE!

I forgot my Blackberry at home! GASP! WHAT WILL I DO WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING WITTY TO TWEET?? Conversely, what will Twitter do when I go mysteriously silent for a whole hour? Suddenly my name will be trending and rumors swirling and twibbons will be created and displayed all while my blogger friends start a real-life (but internet-y version) of Where's Waldo?

What to do? What to do? Something very clever and funny has just struck me and I *must* tweet it nooooow. My blue eyes (with sadness obviously fogging their usual sparkle) dart around my car - from dash to console to floor to -- HEY! OnStar! 

Note: OnStar does not twitter on a customer's behalf to warn people that you've forgotten your Blackberry at home, but you're OK... so far.

Even if you offer to give "Linda" your username and password.

[THEN WHAT AM I PAYING FOR, ONSTAR??]

I straight up panic. There is a place and a time to be calm AND THIS ISN'T IT. I start yelling my would-be tweet to no one in particular (and yet to ALL OF TWITTER who can't hear me, allegedly) as my kids shake their heads in shame and inquire from the backseat, "Mommy, who are you screaming at?" I hold out hope that maybe my car has some sort of WIFI doohicky connected to the stereo speakers perhaps? Or maybe that's what that oddly placed fifth power jack thing does IF I YELL LOUD ENOUGH!?

Did my tweet go through? I can't tell. Unless my rearview mirror can aspire to displaying something more than the fact that we're headed east with an outside temperature reading 89 wintery degrees, I will have to WAIT! -ohmigawd- WAIT! until I get home to check Twitter.

And if my tweet did not go through? Well. WELL! The moment will have long passed and I will only walk away from this tragic hour with having learned a hard lesson - never leave home without your Blackberry. Duct-taped to your hand. ESPECIALLY if you're a Twitter addict. Which I'm not. But you know, there are some people who are *completely* hooked.

You know who you are.

***

Oh. My. God. people. Check this out. It's like they listened to me. No one ever does that.

From the Associated Press:

Ford adding tweets to its Sync in-car technology

LAS VEGAS – Ford Motor Co. is adding Twitter messages and Internet radio to its in-car entertainment and communication service, known as Sync.

Ford hopes to entice consumers who are adept at using mobile applications on their cell phones. But CEO Alan Mulally told an audience at the International Consumer Electronics Show that because Sync is voice-activated, it's safer for drivers than using their phones in the car.

Ford executives said Thursday that Sync will begin working with Internet radio services Pandora and Stitcher. It also will connect to OpenBeak, which can read your or your friends' Twitter posts out loud.

Executives said Ford is talking with Google Inc. about bringing its services to cars as well. Ford Sync was developed by Microsoft in 2007.

*

Comments

[Miss]

Next time, stop at the library. They have computers there.

Or so I've heard...

[Nikki]

Damn Linda to hell for not helping you!! LOL

[Kel]

Wait, what are you paying OnStar for, lol. I laughed so hard I cried. ;)

[Futureblackmail]

This is *exactly* what GPS is for. You turn on your car and it should ask you "do you know where your phone is." Then and ONLY then should it proceed to getting you lost.

[Rhea]

This post is blog gold, my friend! LOVE it. I feel NAKED when I leave without my phone or don't have a computer of some sort within sight. It's sad.

Sometimes I go old school and have a pen and paper nearby though...to write down those witty thoughts.

[Elly Lou]

Mad giggles. If only yelling at the car actually made tweets happen. That should totally be a service, damnit.

[Kate]

I thought I had kicked the Twitter habit. But I think it's coming back. Turns out Facebooking your status constantly is much the same thing. But the people *know* you. And where you live. And work. And they make fun of you.

Twitter it is.

[Al_Pal]

*snort*

[Courtney]

HAHA, you asked OnStar to Tweet for you...nope definitely not an addict!

[Becky @TheRealBecks]

This is why I duct tape mine to my hand always...because if I ever forgot it...I'd be reacting EXACTLY how you did. I would be lost without it.

[MayoPie]

I've heard of these "twitter addicts." Scary bunch, indeed. I don't know any and god knows I don't have a problem. I can quit any time I want to. I just tweet to relax. You know, take the edge off.

[Manical Mom]

I hate it when I leave my phone at home. It is at the very moment when I realize the tweet that will get me a free washer/dryer/elliptical/car/house hits me and I have NO WAY of tweeting it...thus losing my opportunity to have these magical items land on my doorstep!

[twitter.com/Shnerfle]

Turn around and go get it. The kids can wait. The Twitterverse cannot.

[Issa]

This is one of those nightmares that end in, and then I woke up, right? right? RIGHT???? Dam it, where's my phone.

[tlcox19]

twitter addict? where? *nonchalant whistling*

[Kerri.]

LOL! I'm sorry OnStar didn't hook you up. But thanks for the laughs. :)

... does OnStar have a Twitter account?

[Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy]

I wondered about a read aloud Twitter app. This might be the only thing that will get me to buy American!

[Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy]

I hate when I'm in the preschool pickup line and realize that I've forgotten my phone. Then I have to stare around awkwardly instead of ignoring everyone and playing on my iphone. :(

[Unplanned Cooking]

Too funny! I feel such panic when I come to a stoplight and have nothing to do with my thumbs. I love my IPhone.