Hypnotize me

Patient's Medical History, Section 2 - Daily Diet:

Breakfast: tall decaf extra dry cappuccino

Lunch: peanut butter crackers and a Red Bull

Dinner: burnt, but I eat it

Having your new neurologist roll his eyes at you (before rightfully reprimanding you on the 'lunch' part): priceless.

Hey, at least I was honest.

In my never ending search to at least significantly reduce my chronic (read: daily) migraines, I have sought out a new neurologist who is not meds-happy (which I love) and is open to trying other therapies to avoid medications, if possible.

"First, you have to change your diet," he scolds me. "You're starving your brain."

*I immediately plan elaborate farewell tribute post to Red Bull in my head instead of listening to the doctor and before you know it find myself agreeing to WHA?*

Hypnotherawhat?

"Hypnotherapy."

Uh-huh. Like as in water something or another right? Oh no. Wait. That's hydro... Shit. Like hypnosis?

For my alleged "anxiety."

Pfft.

And then my brain starts going a thousand miles a minute. Maybe this is why I have migraines. All of the sudden I'm flashing back to the many-a-times I've been stuck in an imaging tube, having an MRA/MRI done of my brain wondering the whole time if the doctors behind the glass window can really see my thoughts and are just lying when they say "No, that's not true, ma'am." And then, knowing full-well that they TOTALLY can see my thoughts on their fancy computers, I can't help but think PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! just because that's the last thing I want them to think I'm thinking so I'm trying to tell my own brain to SHUT THE FUCK UP let's think about PENIS! I mean PUPPIES! PUPPIES! and SHIT I'll bet I'm totally messing up the results of my brain scan RIGHT THIS MINUTE because I can't even get my brain to shut up and relax.

It's exhausting, really, to lie in that tube and stay still.

Still, they insist they can't see my thoughts. WHATEVER. I may have earplugs, headphones and a loud machine hammering noises at my head but I am pretty goddamn sure I heard the radiologists snickering.

But going under hypnosis? Oh jesus peter and mary, if I can't shut up when I'm not even talking all I can hope is that The Hypnotizer has to abide by that doctor/patient privilege law. Or is that attorney/client privilege law? Shit. I can't remember. He'll begin with, "You're getting ver--" and I'll interrupt him with "Oh! My! God! This one time..." and two hours later he'll be breaking smelling salts to get me to wake up and SHUT UP.

Mark my words.

I've got a headache just thinking about it, really.

Comments

[Melissa Wardy]

Oh to be a telepathic fly on the wall for THAT appointment!

Whatever works for you, I hope that you find some relief soon :) Thinking of you!

[cherry]

hymmm....I've heard hypnosis for bad dreams and such. Just try it! I'm sure at this point you'd rather do anything than have a migraine. Have you tried acupuncture? I've been hypnotized before....at Magic Mountain. He hypnotized me to never drink and drive...and I refuse to drink when I'm the DD...Kinda weird. Okay..next subject.

[Karen (SubMommy)]

Is acupuncture on the menu, there?

I loved acupuncture (for anxiety. Worked great. Well, except when she stuck a need on the side of my nose, and I could see it. Well, um, THAT didn't help my anxiety.)

Got much MSG in your diet? My mom - migraine sufferer extraordinaire, couldn't do anything with MSG or Nitrates/Nitrites.

How about Aspartame? Works like MSG. Nasty shit.

(((HUGS))) Hope you get some answers. Oh - and start eating some actual FOOD. :)

P.S. would def. like to eavesdrop on that session.

[pamela]

OMG you made me snort out loud! For a serious post, you really know how to make a girl laugh..I hope you dont take off your pants or something LOL

[Jess]

Put me on speaker phone in your pocket...well, make that your purse because I'm pretty sure you'll fall over when you end up re-enacting the civil war for some god forsaken reason in the man's office. I don't want you to break your phone AND have me miss out on all the shenanigans that are left to be witnessed.

Or Skype. You could probably Skype right?

I'm giddy and have...a headache.

[UD]

SHIT. You guys are fah-reaking me out. Now I'm afraid of stripping down nekkid, re-enacting the Civil War and having a needle stuck through my nose without leaving with a cool piercing.

But I *could* put my flip in my pocket and hit RECORD. I'd at least get audio...

Wait. If it's THIS EASY for you guys to talk me into screwing myself over, how goddamn easy is it going to be for The Hypnotizer to eff with me?

DAMN.

[Catkins]

I've always wanted to be hypnotized. So, in April, I'm taking a self-hynosis class.
Should be hilarious.

[MayoPie]

I think you should do the hypnosis, but see if you can get the hypnotist to plant a code word of some kind so I can get you to do stuff on twitter.

Most people don't know this, but everything is about me. People are catching on, but not as quickly as I would like.

[cindy w]

I did hypnotherapy for anxiety (technically for panic attacks) when I was in my mid-20's. It worked miraculously well. And it's weird, but after every hypnotherapy session, I felt all relaxed, like I'd just had a massage. Strange, but very nice. I sometimes think about going back just for that lovely chilled-out feeling I'd have afterward. I think a massage is cheaper, though.

Don't worry too much about saying anything inappropriate. You don't generally talk unless they ask you to, and the questions are usually pretty pointed. I'd say the odds of you saying "PENIS!" are pretty unlikely. If that helps.

[UD]

Cindy, The neurologist told me a 60 minute session of hypnosis would make your body/mind feel as though it rested for 6 hours. I'M THERE.

[Mandi Bone]

I am going in 2 weeks to start bio feed back. It help with my chronic pain. It is a little bit of hypno,accupunture with presure points,and breathing exercises. I am now nervous I am going to say penis in the middle.

[Dawn P.]

I suffered from severe migraines for years and went to so many doctors/underwent so many procedures, never to find a solution. Imagine my surprise when the migraines disappeared when I went off birth control pills. My doctors had tried to convince me to go off the pill, but I was in college. . . so there was NO WAY I was going to do that. In hindsight, I totally wish I had done that earlier. So, if you take birth control pills, you might want to go off of them and see if the headaches go away (before you spill all of your dirty little secrets in hypnotherapy).

[Shannon]

Reiki has been very effective for me and several of my friends. Email me if you would like more information.

[Lex - @laprimera]

does this mean you're going to yell out PENIS whenever someone says puppies? Sweet!

[Issa]

It has to be worth a shot right?

Just try not to think PENIS PENIS PENIS as you walk into the appointment. ;)

[Stacia]

I'll just say: doctor-patient confidentiality. Thank goodness. =>

[C @ Kid Things]

Hypnosis? To treat migraines? I'm not really getting the correlation. But hey, the only times my migraines have ever gone away have been when I was pregnant. Hypnosis has to be a more relaxing method than that, at least.

[UD]

Stacia, THAT'S what I was thinking of. And hoping for!

[Andrea's Sweet Life]

I swear by hypnotherapy. I am just not even remotely kidding.

Try it. You'll like it. You'll liiiiiike iiiiiiiiit. (that's me hypnotizing you)

[Nicole]

Hey gal, I'm a long time reader. Not a blogger though. You say you don't want to go the meds route, I hear ya. First eat right, relly right. Like one poster said, no diet soda or crap with aspartame in it. No msg. No red bull. But coffee is ok. Eat some fruit and don't starve your brain. Really concentrate on that.

And if all that doesn't work and you really are at a quality of life stand point, i.e. can't take care of your kids like you want to. I take topamx before bed and haven't had a migraine since. I had daily migraines for a very long time and even the rescue meds like maxalt wasn't working. It got to be a quality of life issue. I eat well, lost 35 lbs. still had daily migraines, would wake up with them. I work full time and couldn't do my job. My doc put me on topamax and they were gone! Just gone. I honestly think it's something about being 30 something and hormones persnally. There just is no pattern. Good luck with your quest for relief. Beeen there and it's horrible. I couldn't live that way any longer. I feel your pain!

[UD]

Nicole, I've been using Topamax for 3.5 yrs. It has cut down the # of migraines I get, but hasn't gotten rid of them. I've tried a ton of treatment medications when a migraine sets in and NOTHING except Fioricet works for me. (Everyone is different.)

I'm willing to do whatever the dr's suggest. This is my 4th neurologist and I'm thrilled that he's willing to try other therapies in addition to medicine since I seem to be very sensitive to it. In the meantime, I'm still on Topamax.

[Apryl's Antics]

BC pills gave me horrible migraines every Tuesday. Seriously. Every Tuesday. I stopped taking them and they went away. I only get a migraine every once in a while now and it usually comes around that "time", which is not specifically on Tuesday.

[UD]

Apryl, The *first* thing the neurologists did was take away BC pills. So I'm totally suing if I end up pregnant with another kid.

[Nicole]

Oh UD, I'm soooo sorry to hear the topamax isn't even working fully for you! It has been a miracle drug for me! And it allows me to still use BC! Thank God! No more kids for me and I only have one! Sounds like you have been going through this for a very long time, I'm sorry to hear you haven't found your solution yet. Good to hear you are seeing the right doctors though. I'm seeing a doctor at a migraine clinic in Ojai, haven't had to go the nuerologist route yet, although did have a herniated disk in my neck fused a couple years ago, so I do have a nuerosurgeon! Talk about neck pain!

Anyway, I wish you all the best and pray for relief for you. Migraines have to be one of the worst types of pain out there, I can't imagine living the rest of my life in that kind of pain. I just can't function in that type of pain. I also have arthritis and my body aches all the time, so I live in pain daily, but migraines are just unbareable!

[Shannon]

I'm a long time reader. Love your blog :) I've been on Topamax for about 3 years (200mg!), use Maxalt, have gone off the BC and STILL have migraines as well! So please let me know if this hypnosis works for you. I've thought about accupuncture as well but haven't gone anywhere with it. Good luck!!

[Ren]

Based on a recent episode of House, they *can* see your thoughts. (Though they apparently have to train the system by showing you images for a few hours first.) #tvisreal

[Nike Air Max]

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