"There's a girl in my class and he walks different."

"There's a girl in my class and he walks different."

"She."

"What?"

"A girl is a 'she' and a boy is a 'he.'"

"Well he walks different - the girl does."

:::

I noticed her too, in her brown leather mary janes, carefully folded lace-trimmed white socks, matching corduroy skirt and pink top with a princessy character I'm unfamiliar with in my world of boys. She hobbled around the classroom while the other Kindergarteners walked and ran with ease. She stole glances at her mother during orientation while the rest of the kids' eyes were transfixed on their new teacher. She was different than the other boys and girls and she already knew it.

:::

"That's OK if she walks differently than you do."

"Well it's kinda weird the way he does it."

"She. And so?"

"I'm just saying..."

"There's no reason to say it. If she heard you talking about the way she walks and how it's different than the way you do it, that could hurt her feelings. That wouldn't make school very fun for her, would it? Would you want to come to school if kids were talking about you? Saying that you were weird or different?"

"No."

"Really, that little girl is lucky. Aunt Brenda is in a wheelchair because she can't walk. This little girl might walk a little differently than you do, but at least she can still walk. That's lucky."

"OK, but he seemed really stressed during Play-doh time."

"Well maybe she needs a friend. You can be her friend. You can make her feel comfortable. That would be the kind thing to do. And most of all, stick up for her. If you ever hear or see other kids being mean to her you let the teacher know because that is not nice."

"Alright."

:::

It's hard to explain to kids the differences they innocently observe when they enter classrooms and schools. You can't teach them friendship, but you can teach them kindness. You can't make them get along with everybody, but you can expect them to be respectful to everyone. 

As hard as it is to try and make a five year old understand the differences in people, it's so much harder to watch that the little girl in her brown leather mary janes - at the age of five - not only know she is not like the others but already have this sad, tangible self-consciousness about her.

Comments

[Sprite]

You are such a good mom.
That could have been a really hard conversation. "You Glowed"

*hugs*

[jenn]

sigh. you're doing good work momma.

[Kristel]

You, my friend, are a good mom. Not only to your own kids but to all kids. That little girl is very lucky to have your little guy (and you!) in her class. *hugs*!

[Annabelle]

You are awesome!!! I hope your son is able to help her feel comfortable. I can just imagine how hard it is for her mom to leave her there and not be able to protect her from the glares and everything that goes with being 'different'.

[Redneck Mommy]

Oh my god, you made me cry.

We're dealing with this right now, Jumby and I. All I can say, as a parent to a differently abled kid, is thank you so much for teaching your child kindness. There are just no words adequate to express how much we appreciate it because too many parents don't bother trying to teach that lesson.

We don't expect every child to be friends with our kid(s) but we hope every day they are treated with kindness and respect.

xo

[Kel]

I think you handled this very well. I hope he takes to heart what you say and becomes her friend. :)

[pamela]

You're amazing. Seriously.

[Chrisor (ynotkissme)]

This is such an important conversation with your child & you had it. That is priceless! Instead of avoiding or changing the subject, you tackled it. If everyone was like you, the world would be a better place. :)

[Silver]

Excellent. love this.

[foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)]

Sometimes we get the chance to see our kids learn the greatest lessons outside the classroom. My niece could be that girl. I'd love if it she had classmates like your boys.

[Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy]

Good on you. Kindness is something that needs to be taught. We forget that sometimes.

[Chibi Jeebs]

I want to give you a standing ovation and a high five and a big hug all at the same time. Thank you for raising good, kind, decent human beings. <3

[Jess]

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how the nurturing of our children is done. Instill the value of kindness and they'll soar higher than they could ever dream.

[Suebob]

You are a good mom.

[Jordan]

Oh gosh this just made me cry over my pumpkin spice latte at my desk. You're a great mom to try and teach them to be kind and accepting.

[mechelle johnson]

well said, megan, well said.

[Chris]

Thanks. That girl is my kid. Not literally, you know. I hope every morning that I take her to school that TODAY someone will be kind to her, to make her feel accepted, to show her a moment of normal childhood friendship. Thank you.

[mel]

Yes, exactly this.

[Charli Mac]

Hola, I came across your blog a while back researching something. Funny how stuff like that happens.

Your blogs are beautifully written and I wondered if you ever thought about writing a memoir? I'd buy it...

[Becca -Our Crazy Boys]

SO hard. My 5 year old came home after the first day at kindergarten and told me that they let a 3 year old go to school, and her mother has to stay with her all day...
Turns out, it was a little girl who had fetal alcohol syndrome, TBI, and was born addicted to crack. Her "mother" was her full-time aide. This little (really little) girl was accepted and loved and it made my heart smile. :)

[Old School / New School Mom]

Nicely handled! I"m taking notes from you for when Ari turns 5. He is 2 now!

[gemini-girl]

what a beautiful thing to teach your child... i need mom lessons from you!

[Trish]

good job!

first question--did you teach him Filipino first? they have gender ID issues in the language and almost *every* native Filipino speaker I've spoken with as an adult can't get the right gender assigned when they speak.

but secondly...ironic you're trying desperately to teach him to notice the difference between girls and boys, yet trying to teach him NOT to point out how different SHE is from the rest of the kids...wait, which rule do I follow? being 5 is hard. English is harder than it looks.

it does remind me of a kid I knew back when the earth was cooling (when I was a kid). Scott had braces on his legs. During dances, no one would dance with him which annoyed the instructor. So, I went over and asked him if he'd dance with me. While he made a lot of noise while attempting the fox trot, he really was a nice kid & we had a decent time dancing. The smile on his face was incredible, which made me feel good. His mom was in tears sitting on the sidelines---apparently, no one had come over to him to ask him to play or dance or anything, ever. I got no end of sh!t from the other girls---but I just smiled and said we'd had a fabulous time, that he made me laugh a lot. One girl tried to tell me he had cooties, to which I said "well, ya know, if he has cooties that will keep YOUR obnoxious butt away from me, all the better!". She stormed off in a huff.

[Rhea]

Great conversation! Little kids notice whose different and doesn't always react the way they should. You explained things wonderfully! If only all kids had mothers like you, maybe we'd have more tolerance in this world.

[DawnA]

Good for you telling your boy to look out for the under dog. That is an admirable trait and one that I'm proud to say my son has. It is so tough to be different at any stage of your life and having your son treat her like any other kid is a wonderful gift to her and life lesson for him.

[Heather]

From a mom of a kid who is a he and walks differently...thank you.

That's all...just, thank you.

[Issa]

I don't know how I missed this one. Is beautiful. Your son is just awesome.

[Lu@masmom]

Awesome. I hope I handle/speak about this with my son as eloquently as you did.

[Kellee]

Well that was very gracefully handled. Let us know if he grasps the he/she difference. :) I hope they become friends. :)

[Christy]

as a mom of a child with special needs, this post brought tears to my eyes.
I can only hope more parents follow your example in teaching their children kindness and being respectful to others.

thank you Megan!