A letter to me

Dear Megan,

Funny how this year ended in such a way that it clouded your memory of its earlier months, leaving you strained to remember how it began and where it was going when it all screeched to a halt. Life is unexpected like that and this is what you're learning right now.

Today is your birthday, and not just any birthday, but your 30th birthday - a birthday that was supposed to mark the turn of a decade, a new era in life and as it always falls - a new year. Coincidentally, it will do all these things and more, just not in the way you had thought.

Normally this is where you and millions of other people resolve to do differently for the next twelve months; to tighten up your shoelaces, so to speak, to set and conquer new goals and aspirations but right now getting from Tuesday to Wednesday seems a bit daunting, let alone taking on an entire year in one glance.

So this year, rather than attempt to define specific goals and objectives that will leave you stressing over whether you got it right or whether you fell short, you will instead resolve to be happy with everything you do as well as everything you don't do. You will love yourself for trying and attempting new things both sought out and thrust upon you and you will be kind to yourself for doing your best and coming close even if you're not perfect.

You will let yourself laugh through hard moments and forgive yourself for finding sadness in the happier times. You will look forward to the future, wisely remember the past and vow to live in each moment. You will trust yourself and your intuition and lean on your friends when you feel you cannot stand on your own two feet and not feel ashamed.

You will know better when others don't and take the higher road even when it hurts to make that climb. You will remember who you are and learn to accept yourself as is.

You will find your funny again, even if it's in bits and pieces.

You will have your moments of uncertainty, sadness, anger and frustration. You will feel inept, unqualified, lonely and emotionally spent. But you will also be happy. Let yourself be happy. You are allowed to be happy. And when you can't find 'happy' it is then that you will re-read this and remember that nothing is permanent.

Love,
Me