Hands in the air if you send texts better suited as emails and just don't care

So I have this little... problem. I don't like to abbreviate. Which, by very definition, makes me a horrible texter. <-- Even that word? Texter? Feels icky as a former newspaper employee. Also? It sounds dirty. Texter. He texter and she didn't like it. See?!

Also, I obviously have a problem with going off on tangents and never returning. More on that another time.

If you were to receive a text from me, your phone would suddenly sound like it was malfunctioning, hiccupping one text alert after another, several in succession, all because my text is the length of a small novel, sans abbreviations of course.

Example:

Hey, it's Megan. I was thinking about this the other day (because something you said made me think of this so I just had to tell you now) and we should really plan on taking a trip somewhere this summer. Maybe somewhere beachy? I don't know. Do you think that might be too pricey? Maybe we would be better off going in the off-season? Or do you think we should do something different? I don't know why I'm even mentioning it; I'm not sure I can even afford it, but I thought I'd run it by you. I'll email you later so we can talk about it more in-depth because it's so hard to get your point across via text, you know? Hope all is well!

Yeaaaah. True story, fake text.

Someone more textual than I (and I realize that's not at all what textual is supposed to mean, but c'mon, for the sake of this post, let's go with it) will send me a text every once in a while and my Blackberry will let out a lone *CHIRP* letting me know someone had something, um, more brief to say.

Example:

OMG ur whack. rofl ;) xoxo

It would take me like eight sentences to say that same thing and I could never even attempt the "ur" in place of you are or you're without getting an eye twitch.

But get me on the phone - or worse - I hear the beeeeeep on your voicemail and I suddenly have nothing to say. Well, nothing coherent.

Example:

"Uh... This is Megan. [nervous pause, pace the house two very quick times] It's like, shit, what day is it? I don't know. ANYWAYS! Yeah! Call me. It's Megan! [nervous pause, pace the house two very quick times] Um, so, bye! [slam the phone down]

[Come back two minutes later to realize I never hit 'off' on the phone; this is 2000-something, not 1985 - we don't hang up phones without pushing a button anymore, MEGAN.]

This is why my cell phone voicemail outgoing message is still the automated one that came with my Blackberry. THE PRESSURE! I mean, you only get one (fine, endless opportunities) to get the message right, but do you do the creative thing? the professional thing? the play-it-cool-I-don't-care-that-you-called-'cause-I'm-cool-like-that thing? *brain short-circuits*

Also, this kind of thinking might explain my blog posts. Come to think of it.

Comments

[Jess]

Dude your novel texts-that-fall-in-the-appropriate-for-email department are my favorite. Probably because I have a BB too so it senses that you are the sender and compresses it into just one, long, run on text. Not the case for other people who send me lengthy texts, just you. RIM is watching us. (teehee. rim.)

True story, fake boobs.

[Maura]

I almost always use up all the space in my texts because I don't like abbreviations much. I will use some, like "b/c" for "because" or...well, that's about it.

I recently told somebody that I'd slit my own throat before using "U" for "you" and I meant it!

[Leah]

So, I'm commenting on this, because I soooo get it! I have a SERIOUS aversion to abbreviated texts. LOL? Hell no! LMAO? Excuse me? WTF? Well, I might use that one because I am a little prudish... BTW? Just spell that sheet out! And while we are on the subject, I am soooo over my Blackberry spell check thingy. If I want to say "night night" well then so be it! I DO NOT want to "remove duplicate" for goodness sake. Glad I got that off my chest.

[123arnie]

Good thing you didn't live back in the age when they carved everything on stone tablets. You would have been fucked.

[cali]

i have friends that are the same way! me? i will hang up on your voicemail. *shrugs* everyone has caller ID these days, right?

[Stacy]

I am the exact same way! I spell check my text before I send it out. I have to unfriend people on facebook because they say things like - cuz ur so whatevs lol.
True story. I don't even want to tell you the number of times I've had to google text speak such as FML to figure out WTF it means!

[Dre]

I don't abbreviate, and I am apt to stop texting with someone if they abbreviate too much or too often. I can see if someone has one of the old school phones where you have to press the same button over and over before you get the letter you want, but COME ON! The vast majority of us have qwerty these days so fuckin USE THAT SHIT!

And voicemail>>> I am so incoherent when I leave a message. I sound like a complete idiot. I'd rather hang up and send a text.

[mel]

I'm guilty of the same. I will send a text that takes up 2-3 messages. I suck at punctuation and grammar in texts because I'm trying to type as fast as I talk. it's why I prefer IM or BBM

[Issa]

Yeah. I'm like you. Just ask my best friends. I send fourteen hundred texts. Paragraph texts. I'm awesome. So that means you are awesome as well.

[The Mother]

My kids only respond to texts, and I'm trying to learn all their abbreviations. I usually have to ask.

[H2Mommy]

I do the same thing when it comes to texting! People always tease me because they always receive six texts in a row.

[Kevin]

This is great! I'm the exact same way. I CAN NOT abbreviate in -- well, anything, but especially not texting.

I routinely make up words but they're makesensical words, like, if you sound them out and think about the words that comprise the new words it would totally make sense and could be a real word.

My iPhone was the best thing that ever happened to me in terms of texting, because I can type out full and complete, coherent thoughts on a real keyboard and not take three hours to send a simple (well simple to me) text.

Also? My texts are full of these--> :) and ;) and :( and 8-/, because I CAN NOT lol, or lmao, or roflmao. And I sure as HELL, can not say those "words" out loud without wanting to shoot myself in the head!

I totes get u! (ah crap!)

[Meghan]

"OMG ur whack. rofl ;) xoxo" Was that a text from Emmie?

Also, I refuse to use text abbreviations. REFUSE.