Undomestic Diva

The Less Than Super Famous Blogger's Guide to Blogher 2010

So you're going to Blogher in NYC? Yay! Say what? This is your first bloggity conference? You're nervous? Not sure what to expect? Are the need-to-know type who would like a video demo ahead of time so you can properly prepare for scenarios A, B and C just-in-case?

Hold up, wait a minute... Before you get all overly anxious about WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I WEAR? WHAT SESSIONS DO I GO TO? WILL I KNOW ANYONE? OMGROFLWTFLOL!?! let me just calm all your worries with this here guide to Blogher 2010 as someone who has done this a ton of times once. Which practically makes me a pro.

OK, so a pro I am not. Hell, I don't know what *I'm* doing. But what I can tell you is that I did go last year and I must have done SOMETHING right because I had a fantastic time, my only real complaint being that I didn't give myself enough time in Chicago.

First and foremost, no matter what you do, what you see, what parties you attend, what sessions you go to or who you meet, if you learn ANYTHING from this post, know that Blogher is what YOU make it. That's right: It's up to YOU to enjoy yourself - not up to anyone else to make that happen for you. Don't leave your good-timed-ness in NYC in the hands of anyone but you. If you find yourself hanging with people who don't want to do the same things as you? Find others who share your interests. If you find yourself surrounded by drama, leave the scene. If you find yourself fighting for "swag" and then disappointed over what you receive, well then, you're just an ungrateful bitch and you will know better next time. ;)

BEFORE YOU GO TO BLOGHER:

1. ORDER BUSINESS CARDS: You *can* afford them. Zazzle is popular, Overnight Prints (dot) com is super cheap... Be creative with your business cards to make them stand-out. You will want these and I explain why a little later in this post.

2. ARRANGE RIDE SHARE FROM THE AIRPORT TO THE HILTON: Find someone who is going to be arriving at the same airport as you around the same time and share a cab or ride the subway or share a jetpack over to the hotel to cut costs. Added benefit? Immediate conference buddy. 

3. MAKE A LIST(S) AND CHECK IT (THEM) TWICE: Lists to make: What to bring (see below), what sessions you want to attend, what parties you RSVP'd for, what nearby restaurants or touristy sites you MUST see, a list of what lists to make, etc. If you're not a list-making-sort-of-person then I'm sorry, we can't be friends.

THINGS TO BRING TO BLOGHER:

1. CASH: Sorry, but you WILL need to eat, have to get around via cab or subway, will want an overpriced snow globe of the Manhattan skyline to bring back to your kid and when you get that many women together in one hotel in one small city (yes, it actually is a small area - that Manhattan) you might even find yourself making an unexpected run to a drug store for t-a-m-p-o-n-s. Also? The cocktail parties might include *one* drink ticket but the rest of the drinks? They cost money. Cha-ching!

2. CAMERA: Bring your best camera equipment, bring a Flip, bring a freaking disposable camera - JUST BRING SOME SORT OF CAMERA. The blackmail photo opportunities will be endless.

3. BUSINESS CARDS: OK, so I didn't hand out my business cards as advantageously as some do at these things, but if you visit the expo (which you should) there are a TON of drawings for free stuff and the way to enter is by dropping in your business card. And we're not talking a free lunch here... last year you could win a set of tires, all kinds of cool photography items, etc.

4. COCKTAIL ATTIRE: No matter what you read on Twitter in the weeks leading up to Blogher ("Why is everyone worried about what they're going to wear? I'll be in my pj's most of the time!" BULLSHIT! Total BULLSHIT.) you will want a LBD or two to wear to the cocktail parties at night. I didn't see a single person in their pj's at these events. You don't have to spend a fortune, but I wouldn't want you to feel out of place by showing up in jeans when everyone else puts on the foo-foo juice at night.

5. EXTRA STRENGTH TYLENOL: Duh.

6. LAPTOP/IPAD/COMPUTING DEVICE: I actually didn't blog at all during Blogher because - go figure - the hotel last year had a hard time keeping up with bandwidth but I did need to unload my camera's memory cards a time or two. And, um, HELLO, this is a blogging conference so... you're gonna get kicked out if you don't show up geeked out. (I kid.)

7. AN EXTRA DUFFLE BAG OR SUITCASE: OK, so I didn't follow this advice last year and I was sorry. Between the swag and the expo goodies, you will undoubtedly need an extra bag or suitcase to bring home your newfound booty. And I am still referring to the swag or expo goodies.

THINGS TO DO AT BLOGHER:

1. BE THE AGGRESSOR: OK, so maybe that's not the *best* way to put it, but like I said before, Blogher is what YOU make it. So don't expect people to come running to you... Introduce yourself to the people you want to meet. Yes, Blogher has great sessions & the keynote is not to be missed but really? Blogher is where you meet IN PERSON the people you've gotten to know via your internet connection for... how long now? EXACTLY. Don't let your shyness stop you. 

2. DO NOT MISS THE KEYNOTE: If there's one not-to-be-missed session, it's the big community keynote made up of several bloggers on the first day of the conference. You will walk away completely inspired to be a better writer. I promise.

3. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AT BLOGHER BEFORE YOU LEAVE HOME: I'm not talking Excel spreadsheet or Google Docs crazy necessarily (ahem, you know who you are) but have a good idea of what you absolutely, positively do not want to miss while *also* leaving chunks of time to...

4. LEAVE THE HOTEL: For god sake's you're in NEW YORK CITY, people! See some of the city. Go to lunch somewhere semi-famous. Hike down to Times Square. See how many of the 171 Starbucks in Manhattan you can visit while you're there... You'll be sorry if you don't.

5. MIX AND MINGLE: Don't be afraid to hang around with different people at different times. You don't have to adhere yourself to one group of people for the entire conference. You'll never meet other fabulous people if you do. Interact, mingle, mix, let your hair down and have fun.

6. DON'T WHORE YOURSELF OUT: It's one thing to make contacts and hand-out your business cards as a way of passing along your pertinent information, but it's just plain annoying if you inundate people with business cards, stickers, magnets, balloon animals, belt buckles and friendship bracelets when they simply introduce themselves with a "hi." A lot of people would love to get to know YOU and hang out with YOU while at the conference, not your brand.

7. DON'T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY: For the love of all that is bloggy, please, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASEY don't expect to go to the conference YOU and come home SUPER FAMOUS WRITER PERSON WITH A BOOK DEAL. You'll be disappointed, no matter how talented and deserving you are.

WHEN YOU GET HOME FROM BLOGHER:

1. POST YOUR PHOTOS, CONSIDERATELY: Everyone will be anxious to see the pics! Where are the pics?! But before you upload every. single. photo. you took at Blogher, have a little discretion and think before posting the pictures "If it were me in this photo, would I want it posted?"

2. DO NOT START BITCHING ABOUT THE AWFUL TIME YOU HAD WHEN a) WE ALL SAW YOU HAVING A GODDAMN *GREAT* TIME FROM THE LOOKS OF IT and, b) I *TOLD YOU* IT WAS UP TO *YOU* TO HAVE A GREAT TIME SO IF YOU DIDN'T, WELL, YOU NEED TO CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF: OK. What? Here's the thing - every year this happens... people get home from the conference and starting tweeting or posting on their blogs these rants about how AWFUL and MISERABLE and WHAT BULLSHIT! OMG! the conference was AND OMG WTF JESUS H CHRIST THE DRAMA! when, um, I saw you there at the conference PERSON and it seemed to me you were having a fucking blast... So? What gives? Don't be ungrateful to the people who worked really hard to put this together and, if you have personal beef with someone, deal with it PRIVATELY and APPROPRIATELY and not in the public tweet stream for us all to watch like a sitcom drama.

3. DO NOT BITCH ABOUT THE SWAG YOU DIDN'T RECEIVE - OR WORSE - THE SWAG YOU DID GET: Oh, I'm sorry... you didn't get a swag bag from Party A or Party B? That happens. But then again, you didn't come to Blogher *just* for the swag, right? And really? You think the little bunny vibrator some company was nice enough to donates HUNDREDS of is a cheap piece of crap? What? You don't use Tide laundry detergent so the samples they were kind enough to give you are just a waste? YOU'RE UNGRATEFUL. If you don't want/need/have room to bring home items, Blogher has a swag drop-off area designated at the conference where you can leave it all behind. But don't bitch about it. That's just in poor taste. In this economy, we should be thanking the companies who are willing to hand-out anything to us.

4. SUPPORT THE PEOPLE YOU MEET: It's funny how you went to the conference hoping to meet - in person - the bloggers/twitterers you've grown to love online but while you're there you will come across DOZENS of bloggers you've never even heard of until now (like, how did I not know YOU?!). So when you get back to normalcy (and it does take like two weeks to recover from Blogher) be sure to add them to your reader, follow them on Twitter, click-through to their blogs, friend them on Facebook, WHATEVER, show them the love.

5. START LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT YEAR: Duh. Or, if you really, truly hated it SO MUCH OMG IT WAS SOOOO AWFUL, then please, don't.

Where's Megan?

OK, so nobody even realized I disappeared for, like, a day. But now you know so now you can pretend like you missed me and were wondering where I was, blah, blah, blah.

LIARS.

Anyway, my head has been buried deep into a new little way in over my head too big for my britches project in the form of another blog. GASP! No, I'm not abandoning this here... whatever this is. I love this little space on the internet. Instead, I'm squeezing my big ol' butt onto another little chunk-o-web because I'm greedy like that and because really, I need a place to write on some more serious topics from time to time... and it kind of feels silly doing it here.

(See my last post on adoption.)

Yes people. I'm about to get real. Real serious. And piss some people off. (Well the latter part is nothing new.)

You'd think by saying I've been "knee-deep" and "crazy involved" in this Other Blog I would have something to show for it, but actually, heh, not so much because the hold up is more a small little fuck up on my Oh I Can Handle It end called domain mapping (you, sonuvabitch CNAME!) wherein I had to call in an expert (read: Candy Ass) to undo my big eff up.

*blushes*

But if you want a sneak peek at essentially nothingness, you can check it out here. As you can see, I've only cross-posted my adoption post so far (just to get something up) and haven't really put a whole lot of effort into fiddling around with the design (see: that fucking domain mapping shit).

I also created a Twitter account for That Blog which is null and void right now but shall one day rise to its glory! Crap. Sorry. Forgot where I was. AHEM. I will use it at some point, so if you want to follow I'd be happy to have you along for the ride. To wherever.

So essentially, this was a blog post about absolutely nothing with a whole lot of excuses in between. Nothing new here folks. Thank you and good night.

Marching for Maddie - Photos

You won't see me in this photograph because I'm the one behind the lens, but I couldn't be prouder to be a part of this amazing group of people who showed up to march for Maddie in Los Angeles this past Saturday.

 
[Click to enlarge]

 
[My son and I]

You can see all of March for Maddie March of Dimes Walk photos here.
  

You.

You were the only one who

didn't think you could do it

wasn't certain you could make it

doubted your ability

thought you didn't belong

was standing in your way.

But we knew all along that you

could do it

would make it through

had the ability

belonged and deserved to be there

were the only one standing in your way.

Because you have always been

better than you've known

smarter than you've given yourself credit for

stronger than the rest of us

braver than the boys

and never cared who was in your way.

We are so proud of you.

_______________________________

Congratulations to my sister Jamie, who graduates Saturday from the Fire Academy.

For a flower always in bloom...

After hearing about Andrea's brilliant idea to plant a purple flower in memory of Madeline Spohr, my boys and I set out Saturday morning on a mission to make a very lonely planter in our backyard beautiful again in celebration of a little girl who left us a year ago Wednesday.

I still miss her. I still think of her constantly. I can't see a shade of purple without thinking of Maddie's infectious smile. And then I ache. For her parents Heather and Mike, as a parent, as someone who held this precious little girl just a few weeks before...

As we drove to Home Depot, I told the boys what we were doing. Why we were doing it. Rather than complain or scuffle their feet in reluctance, the boys were oddly intent on helping.

We picked out the purplest rose we could find

and the boys took turn smelling how fragrant it was...

We picked out a couple of the most purple African Violets we could find

and took our bounty to the car and loaded up, ready to get to work.

Shovels in hand, my boys ceased their normal fighting and bickering to pitch in and be helpful

turning this box of nothingness into a beautiful garden for Maddie.

They each had their questions. Hard questions. Ones I wasn't quite sure how to answer appropriately so I did my best to be honest. 

I had to swallow back tears several times. Teetering between putting myself in Heather and Mike's place - God, what if it were one of my kids? While completely in awe at my own sons - Wow. Look at how much my boys care about a little girl they never met.

"But why did she get sick, mommy?"

"How come some people get to live to be 100 years old, mom?"

"Do you think she'll like these flowers, mom?"

"Will she see these flowers, mommy?"

"Maybe we can have her mommy and daddy over for dinner so they can see them. I'll bet they would like steak."

I had to catch my breath.

As we finished patting down the soil around the last flower, I stood back and admired the garden, telling the boys, "You guys did a great job. You should be proud. Look at your beautiful flowers!"

 
And that's when my 5 year old said quietly, "No mom. Those aren't our flowers. Those are Maddie's flowers. Aren't they pretty?"

***

To Mike and Heather:

My heart aches for you every single day. I love the way you keep Maddie's spirit alive through blog posts and photographs and stories and the foundation. You are amazing people.

To Maddie:

Little girl, we miss you so much. Those of us who had the pleasure of meeting you and the hundreds of thousands of people who have simply read about you and forever been changed by your story. You are a bright spirit and a flower always in bloom.

_____________________

Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall.
Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll.
 ~Unknown

Cancer is the biggest asshole I know. And I know a lot of assholes.

The single thing I love the most about blogging is one day you're paying tribute to your mother on her birthday and the next you're vlogging some sort of weird Peep porn you just invented. No two posts are ever alike just as no two days are and whatever is nagging at you on any particular day, well, that's what you write about.

At least, that's how it works in my head. Some thought dances in my head impatiently until I let it loose in a blog post and only then can I rest my weary brain for sleep.

Tonight I'm not feeling particularly funny or cheerful. Instead I feel a heaviness of grief and helplessness as one of our own courageously tells cancer to FUCK OFF so she can keep her husband. The husband who has been told he may only have a few weeks to live.

If there were ever a woman who could single-handledly make cancer scream "MERCY!" and slither away, it would be her. From the very get-go of this unwelcome adventure she has been staring cancer straight in the face and telling it to go screw itself. 

My kind of gal.

I don't know that I've ever met someone so strong and scrappy and brave. When the doctors tell them it's not good news she replies with:

I could only hope to be half as brave, half as strong, half as ballsy in the face of such shit. Absolute shit.

If you could, please take just a few seconds - perhaps a minute or two - to send some love their way by clicking here and leaving a comment to let them know we're all thinking of them, standing behind them, echoing the sediment made so famous by califmom herself #fuckcancer! There may not be much that we can do to help, but just hearing "we're thinking of you" or "I'm praying for you" or "fuck cancer" goes a long way.

Because this is what we do - this huge community of writers, parents, women, men, students and perfect strangers - stand by each other when things get tough.

I take that back. The single thing I love most about blogging is how it has renewed my faith in humanity.

Think you can't afford Blogher NYC? Think again.

Don't roll your pretty little eyes at me like Oh c'mon! A Blogher conference post *already?* We'll have to hear enough about this come June, July, August and maybe even September. GAH! I'm not even going. Who can afford that?

Ahhh... but you see, that's entirely my point. While attending Blogher's annual conference in August may make your ears ring with cha-chinging at the mere thought of a pass! New York City! airfare! the Hilton for christ's sake! etc., there are actually ways to stop the cash flow hemorrhaging and still make it to epicenter of where internet meets real life FOR LESS THAN YOU THINK!

(That was my best Billy Mays impression, take it or leave it.) (RIP.)

Why I want you there and why I think you (AND YES, YOU!) should be there is a whole other post for a whole other day.

Here are some of my suggestions:

1. Buy your conference pass NOW. As in, on or before February 28 which is this Sunday, after which it will cost you $100 more to attend.

Second possible option? Last year when Blogher sold-out, they offered a lobbycon (I think that's what it's called) pass. Pros: Waaay less money than the full pass. Cons: You don't get to attend the sessions in the rooms but rather hear them in various lobbies via TVs and over speakers. It's unclear whether the lobbycon pass is being offered this year. (I asked on Twitter, but haven't heard back yet.)

Third possible option: If you're not as interested in attending sessions all day at Blogher and more inclined to see whose avatar matches their actual face and socialize (or maybe Blogher is your excuse to see NYC) opt for the cocktail parties only pass for $50. You, lush you!

2. Shack up with some roomies. At $200/night plus taxes and fees, there's nothing like making the most of your quality time together than putting four people in two double beds. When you thought of attending Blogher it wasn't because you were envisioning restful nights and peace and quiet, right? (If it was, well then, let's talk.) Split that $200 four ways and you're down to $50/night per person. AT THE HILTON. Tom Bodet can't beat that. Now, that being said, you could stay somewhere else. But before you salivate over the thought of a cheaper-per-night hotel, be sure to consider these things:

- How far is it from the Hilton where Blogher is? (Think cab fare, walking distance, etc.)

- Even if you can walk to your hotel from the Hilton, it's not necessarily safe to late at night when you've decided to leave the cocktail party and head for bed.

- Maybe you plan on walking with a group of friends back to your other hotel but know that realistically, this probably won't always work out. Someone might want to head back earlier or later; someone might choose sleeping on someone else's floor at the Hilton in lieu of walking in those goddamn heels another ten feet.

3. Watch airline prices for a couple of weeks before purchasing. Tuesday and Wednesday nights typically have the best deals. (Seriously.) Both Southwest and Virgin America fly into NY and either La Guardia or JFK airports will suffice.

SUPER SAVER TIP (ha): Flying home on Monday rather than Sunday can save you almost $200. But wait Megan, you say. That means another night at the Hilton! More money! Well, hold your britches, missy/mister. IF you can coerce your roomies to also stay until Monday (sell them on the cheaper airfare) then that means only another $50 each (see #2), thus saving you each $150 in airfare than if you had come home Sunday. PLUS! you get all day Sunday to see NYC. Double win. You're welcome.

4. Save now to spend then. Besides your Blogher conference pass, hotel stay and airfare you will need some cash to spend at Blogher. Think cab fares to and from airport, meals (the ol' hot dog from the street cart vendor will lose its luster quickly) and hey, let's face it, not everyone is a one-drink-ticket kind of mingler. So here's my super simple plan that's much easier said than done:

Your grande 2 pump non-fat mocha with whip costs you $3.65 every day, 7 days a week because you're a devoted Starbucks customer. BUT WHAT HAS STARBUCKS EVER DONE FOR YOU? (Except make you an addict and drain your wallet? EXACTLY.) So what I want you to do is - and sit down for this - I want you to *skip* that grande 2 pump non-fat mocha with whip 4 times a week beginning March 1 and put that money away in an envelope that cannot be touched, even in a full-blown PMS emergency.

If you do this straight through July 31 (22 weeks - BUT YOU CAN DO IT!), you will have saved $321.20. Plenty of spending money for Blogher.

Fine. You're like me and totally incapable of giving up your cappuccino/latte/mocha/americano, I GET IT. Here's your other option. Save your change. Seriously. Spend cash, save all your coins in a jar and roll them come the end of July. And don't be all CoinStar lazy about it either. Take an hour out of your precious time to roll your own damn pennies and nickels and quarters and dimes and take them to the bank to cash in. You'd be surprised how much you can rack up.

And when you do arrive at Blogher NYC, I expect a goddamn hug or fist bump or something for these savvy little savings tips I just provided.

***

Added: I didn't mean to offend anyone with this post nor insinuate that it was merely a matter of determination in order for you to make it to Blogher. We all have different financial situations and I was simply hoping to point out some ideas that might make it easier for people to go; perhaps ideas that hadn't been thought of. Newly laid-off, I'm having to think very carefully about how I'm going to get to NYC and I was only hoping to help, not offend.

March for Maddie 2010

As most of you know, last year bloggers, friends and perfect strangers came from all over the U.S. and beyond to March for Maddie and for the March of Dimes, a cause that is obviously dear to the Spohr family. It was a sight to see and I am proud to have been a part of it.

(click to enlarge) 

THIS GROUP and HUNDREDS of others who donated and walked - in Los Angeles and in more than 30 other states - made the Maddie team the most successful family team in the country last year. Even before the walk ended, I knew I'd be back this year to celebrate Maddie and all the other babies who are born prematurely, not to mention the amazing work that the March of Dimes does.

While I did not have any premature babies, I did have major complications with each pregnancy (ITP). Upon discovering this, I was obviously scared about the unknown and then I got a call... from the head neonatologist from the March of Dimes who was able to give me some insight and to reassure me. This was almost 8 years ago and I have been a proud supporter of the March of Dimes ever since.

If you're in the Los Angeles area or are making plans to be on Saturday, April 24, please join us in Marching for Maddie. If you can't be here with us, consider creating your own team in your area or you can donate/sponsor someone who is walking.

I have set up a donation widget on my sidebar or you can donate here. All the money I raise for March of Dimes falls under the March for Maddie Team that the Spohr's have created.

The best $90 you'll ever spend

Some days I can't possibly get all the thoughts in my head out of my mouth fast enough and other days, like today, I simply have no words; feeling rather uninspired, unenlightened, I don't know.

I'm just... blank.

Besides, with everything that has happened in Haiti it feels weird to be my ridiculous self. For those of us in California especially, these earthquakes have us shaken up - pardon the pun - and we instantly put ourselves in the 'what if' mode.

Having been raised Mormon, I do have to say that the LDS church is very serious about being prepared for disasters... a trait I've held onto. Thought I'd pass along an invaluable purchase if there ever was one... for us Californians and for everyone else because earthquakes aren't the only kind of disaster.

It's the Food for Health(TM) Emergency Food Kit which sells online at Costco.com for $89.99 including shipping & handling.

It includes 275! servings of pre-mixed and pre-seasoned 100% vegetarian and vitamin fortified food WITH A 20 YEAR SHELF LIFE. It all comes in a 5-gallon bucket, which is also useful in an emergency and only requires water and a heat source... another must-have item in case of an emergency. You can buy it HERE.

Hopefully this is one of those things you never actually need, but it's nice to know it's there.

In the meantime, my thoughts are with the people of Haiti.

The Postcard Project for Anissa

It's a new year and as much as we would all love to forget about the tragedies that made 2009 such a hard year to stomach, we can't forget to support the ones who are still living those realities.

The response to the Hope for Anissa project was nothing short of amazing. Bloggers and twitterers and perfect strangers to the internet world stepped up to contribute to something bigger than we ever expected. And it paid off. The Mayhews are forever grateful.

But there is more to do. In his last update, Peter has asked Anissa's internet family (that's us) to help; to pray, to contribute. One such way he suggested was for people to send cards or photos to hang on her wall for her to read, to see how much she's loved. These things, no matter how seemingly small, are helping in her recovery.

I know that if there's a way I can help, I will. Because I would want someone to do the same for me. Because it's for Anissa and SHE would do the same for us. So here's what I've come up with:

The Postcard Project

1. Buy a 25 cent postcard from the city you live in and write a short little note of encouragement. (If you don't feel comfortable sending one from your exact location, feel free to send one from somewhere you've visited.)

2. Take a photograph of the *front* of the postcard before sending it and email it in jpeg format to foranissa(at)gmail(dot)com along with the state it is from and a twitter ID or blog URL (if you would like it associated with the photo) so I can create a Flickr stream of all the postcards. I will also create a running list on my blog of all the states & bloggers represented.

I would love to see all 50 states represented along with several other countries.

3. Mail your postcard to:

Anissa Mayhew
860 Johnson Ferry Road 140-184
Atlanta, Georgia  30342

4. Please spread the word. On twitter, via blog post, on Facebook, WHEREVER.

Note: If you think it's hard to find a postcard representing the city you live in, try your local gas stations.

Let's do this.

~Megan